This will be my last post of the year! I am loving having my blog as an outlet for all my inner musings...well not all, but at least the ones I am willing to share.
Last New Year's Eve I ended up being sick and not doing anything but laying on my couch miserable. So far this New Year's Eve and the start of the New Year are shaping up to be quite interesting! Tonight I am going to Charlottesville with some friends, and tomorrow my friend, MC, my niece and nephew and I are roadtripping to Atlanta for the weekend! I am quite excited!!!! I love roadtrips and Atlanta :) I will be stopping off in Charlotte to see my sister on Sunday as well!
This year should be quite the adventure, hopefully including a new job, possibly a new city, making some new friends, applying to grad schools, finally running a marathon, skydiving, New York girls trip, dropping 40 or so lbs, hopefully a trip with my cousin from Washington State, volunteer vacation to Africa and who knows I may actually go on a few dates just to keep my faithful readers interested!
As far as the simplicity part, that will apply mostly to relationships and keeping myself focused on what I value most in life!
So here's wishing everyone a happy and safe new year! I hope it's the best yet!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Out With The Old, In With The New
For the past few years I have come up with one overall goal for the year (of course I always have smaller goals as well, such as lose weight, etc). Last year's goal was to work on healing and building a new life for myself. And I did. I took time to get to know myself, experience pain, learn to let go and heal. I made some amazing new friends. I stepped out of the box. I have experienced a lot of firsts. I can honestly say I lived fully and completely. It was the best year I have had in quite a few, and I honestly feel like I am coming out of this year a stronger, wiser, more whole person than I was 365 days ago.
So I have been working on a "slogan" or overall goal for this year. I have finally decided it is going to be to simplify and to become the woman I know I can and should be. I want this year to be simpler. I want all of my relationships (family, friends and love)to be simple, uncomplicated and drama free. This does not mean that I want them to be boring, passionless or unadventurous, just simpler. I want to cut out the people and things in my life that are dragging me down, and focus on those that make me a stronger and better person. I don't want to put energy into relationships that I know will end in heartbreak. I want to continue pursuing my dreams, living my adventures, travelling and building strong relationships. I want to become more aware of what I really want in my life and pursue those choices, and not drift from plan to plan and idea to idea. I used to think simple meant dull, but I now see that simplicity and purity is what my heart craves and it is in this state that I find ultimate contentment and peace.
So I have been working on a "slogan" or overall goal for this year. I have finally decided it is going to be to simplify and to become the woman I know I can and should be. I want this year to be simpler. I want all of my relationships (family, friends and love)to be simple, uncomplicated and drama free. This does not mean that I want them to be boring, passionless or unadventurous, just simpler. I want to cut out the people and things in my life that are dragging me down, and focus on those that make me a stronger and better person. I don't want to put energy into relationships that I know will end in heartbreak. I want to continue pursuing my dreams, living my adventures, travelling and building strong relationships. I want to become more aware of what I really want in my life and pursue those choices, and not drift from plan to plan and idea to idea. I used to think simple meant dull, but I now see that simplicity and purity is what my heart craves and it is in this state that I find ultimate contentment and peace.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Christmas 2008
Christmas kind of snuck up on me, but this past week was a blast. Here's how the week or so played out...
Monday: I worked, and then went shopping by myself. It did not take long for me to run out of money and patience, went to the gym, went home and crashed!
Tuesday: Worked. Found out I graduated, so completely lost focus on work after 1/2 day. Went shopping (not by myself) and out to dinner to celebrate my graduating!!! I found a new fave shopping partner actually :)
Wednesday: More shopping. Ran 3 miles. Lunch with MC and baby. More shopping. In 30 minutes I showered, got ready, packed everything and headed to my mom's house. Christmas with good friends. Presents. Lots of high fat food. Visiting with family. Sleeping on deflating air mattress. Lots of laughs. Late night texts. Convinced mom that we should "sleep in" until 7 on Christmas morning.
Thursday: Got up at 7ish - which was lovely. Presents. Traditional orange and cinnamon sweet rolls for breakfast. More presents with my niece and nephew. Making mac n cheese with my niece (favorite part of the day). Late lunch. Best ham ever. Clean up. Drive home. Unload car into living room. Migraine. Lots of meds. Early bedtime for me.
Friday: Japanese lunch with sister. Bought some deep burgundy, 3 inch "hooker" heels (around which I am putting together my New Year's Eve outfit). First time iceskating. No broken bones-yay!!! Early dinner with friends. Home to crash. No cleaning.
Saturday: Pick up friends kids. Meet D, my friend from GA at Depot Grille (hoping to see her again when we go down this weekend). Played wii. Groceries. Finally used my quesadilla maker. Baked cookies from scratch. Ate too much. Watched movies. Got first ever shutterfly book of my "adopted" niece. Late too bed. Still no cleaning.
Sunday: Church at my niece's request. Lunch with family. Home. Budget (ugh). Cleaned (very little). Minor meltdown about my future. Talk to some friends and remember life is good, I'm incredibly blessed and loved, and to just breathe.
That was my week in a nutshell. I had lots of time with friends and family, eventhough there were a few I didn't get to see, or see enough of. It was good! It was also the first year I finally felt like I had healed from some of the past heartbreaks, which made it the best Christmas in several years :)
Monday: I worked, and then went shopping by myself. It did not take long for me to run out of money and patience, went to the gym, went home and crashed!
Tuesday: Worked. Found out I graduated, so completely lost focus on work after 1/2 day. Went shopping (not by myself) and out to dinner to celebrate my graduating!!! I found a new fave shopping partner actually :)
Wednesday: More shopping. Ran 3 miles. Lunch with MC and baby. More shopping. In 30 minutes I showered, got ready, packed everything and headed to my mom's house. Christmas with good friends. Presents. Lots of high fat food. Visiting with family. Sleeping on deflating air mattress. Lots of laughs. Late night texts. Convinced mom that we should "sleep in" until 7 on Christmas morning.
Thursday: Got up at 7ish - which was lovely. Presents. Traditional orange and cinnamon sweet rolls for breakfast. More presents with my niece and nephew. Making mac n cheese with my niece (favorite part of the day). Late lunch. Best ham ever. Clean up. Drive home. Unload car into living room. Migraine. Lots of meds. Early bedtime for me.
Friday: Japanese lunch with sister. Bought some deep burgundy, 3 inch "hooker" heels (around which I am putting together my New Year's Eve outfit). First time iceskating. No broken bones-yay!!! Early dinner with friends. Home to crash. No cleaning.
Saturday: Pick up friends kids. Meet D, my friend from GA at Depot Grille (hoping to see her again when we go down this weekend). Played wii. Groceries. Finally used my quesadilla maker. Baked cookies from scratch. Ate too much. Watched movies. Got first ever shutterfly book of my "adopted" niece. Late too bed. Still no cleaning.
Sunday: Church at my niece's request. Lunch with family. Home. Budget (ugh). Cleaned (very little). Minor meltdown about my future. Talk to some friends and remember life is good, I'm incredibly blessed and loved, and to just breathe.
That was my week in a nutshell. I had lots of time with friends and family, eventhough there were a few I didn't get to see, or see enough of. It was good! It was also the first year I finally felt like I had healed from some of the past heartbreaks, which made it the best Christmas in several years :)
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I REALLY DO BELIEVE IN SANTA NOW!!!!
I just got my grades in and I am officially a college graduate!!!!!!!! I cannot stop smiling!!!! And to put the icing on the cake I got straight A's my final semester!!!!!!!
My (Selfish) Christmas Wish
Dear Santa,
I believe! Just wanted to clarify that. And, I have been very, very, very good this year. I mean it! To the point of being so good some would consider me boring. I knew I would need all this goodness as a bargaining chip at the end of the year, so on that note I think you should grant me this one wish. All I want for Christmas is my grades to be posted TODAY and to have passed everything so that I know I graduated.
Well there was that one other thing, but I already know I am not getting that one, so I think in all fairness this wish should be fairly easy to grant. Plus I'm not asking for world peace, so chalk one up for originality (okay, it's not that original, but at least it isn't totally impossible, like my other wish, or world peace).
Yours truly,
B
I believe! Just wanted to clarify that. And, I have been very, very, very good this year. I mean it! To the point of being so good some would consider me boring. I knew I would need all this goodness as a bargaining chip at the end of the year, so on that note I think you should grant me this one wish. All I want for Christmas is my grades to be posted TODAY and to have passed everything so that I know I graduated.
Well there was that one other thing, but I already know I am not getting that one, so I think in all fairness this wish should be fairly easy to grant. Plus I'm not asking for world peace, so chalk one up for originality (okay, it's not that original, but at least it isn't totally impossible, like my other wish, or world peace).
Yours truly,
B
Monday, December 22, 2008
A Special Kind of "Stupid"
It did not take me long on Saturday to determine that it takes a "special kind of stupid" to not start your Christmas shopping until the weekend before Christmas. But that is okay, because the worst part is that despite a few hours out at the stores on Saturday I still haven't started it! Well I did pick up one gift, so I guess that kind of counts towards starting...
Of course that "special brand of stupidity" was even more evident the night before, or earlier that morning, however you want to look at it. My friend, MC, her 18 month old daughter and I went out for dinner to celebrate my finishing the semester. Then we went to WalMart. By the time we left WalMart it was almost midnight, which of course means the baby was not in any mood to be out, fooled with or to tolerate shenanigans from mommy or "Aunt" Brandy. So as mommy changes her I hand her the keys, like we always do to distract her (thus begins the stupid part). MC puts everything away and I put the baby in the carseat, buckle her in and MC comes behind me to put the stroller in the floorboard under her seat (I tell you this to prove this is not entirely my fault). She shuts the door, and we hear the doors lock. Yep, the baby is in the car with the keys (and the spare set by the way)and we are standing outside at midnight in the WalMart parking lot. We tell the baby to push the button, which of course she knows mommy is better at this than her, so she goes to hand the keys to mommy through the window (which of course doesn't work since the window is rolled up) and they fall out of her reach. We end up having to call the police and have them come break into the car to rescue the baby. Needless to say we were quite mortified!
I am pretty sure that everytime I write a check to pay the very large student loan bills I will remember this story and wonder why I bothered going to school all that time just so I could gain this "special kind of stupid".
Of course that "special brand of stupidity" was even more evident the night before, or earlier that morning, however you want to look at it. My friend, MC, her 18 month old daughter and I went out for dinner to celebrate my finishing the semester. Then we went to WalMart. By the time we left WalMart it was almost midnight, which of course means the baby was not in any mood to be out, fooled with or to tolerate shenanigans from mommy or "Aunt" Brandy. So as mommy changes her I hand her the keys, like we always do to distract her (thus begins the stupid part). MC puts everything away and I put the baby in the carseat, buckle her in and MC comes behind me to put the stroller in the floorboard under her seat (I tell you this to prove this is not entirely my fault). She shuts the door, and we hear the doors lock. Yep, the baby is in the car with the keys (and the spare set by the way)and we are standing outside at midnight in the WalMart parking lot. We tell the baby to push the button, which of course she knows mommy is better at this than her, so she goes to hand the keys to mommy through the window (which of course doesn't work since the window is rolled up) and they fall out of her reach. We end up having to call the police and have them come break into the car to rescue the baby. Needless to say we were quite mortified!
I am pretty sure that everytime I write a check to pay the very large student loan bills I will remember this story and wonder why I bothered going to school all that time just so I could gain this "special kind of stupid".
Friday, December 19, 2008
2 Posts in One Day - You Know You've Missed It
This made me bust out laughing! Not that I've ever cyberstalked or anything...really...I haven't...okay, I totally have, but you know you have too!
My American Idol Moment
I want to regale you with interesting tales and tidbits so bad, but after submitting over 70 pages of academic genius in a week and a half, 50+ of which were actually researched and written/typed within that time period, I can't. I mean literally my brain freezes and I can't remember how to put sentences together to form a story, or explain the craziness that is going through my brain. Pair that with the incredible amount of work I have had at my job today, trying not to stress over grades and such and I can only come up with this...
Christmas is coming
The goose is getting fat
A sale is on at David's
You know where it's at
We've got microwaves and ranges
And though this may sound strange
We'll give you a free turkey
When you buy a range.
Yep - that was the cheesiest commercial jingle of all time and I (along with a few of my fellow classmates) sang that on the radio decades ago!!! To this day, I will sing this on cue - seriously if you test me on this you will have to suffer through it, because you can't say I didn't warn you.
I still remember all the words, yet I can't remember what I wore two days ago. This could be a very telling problem.
Christmas is coming
The goose is getting fat
A sale is on at David's
You know where it's at
We've got microwaves and ranges
And though this may sound strange
We'll give you a free turkey
When you buy a range.
Yep - that was the cheesiest commercial jingle of all time and I (along with a few of my fellow classmates) sang that on the radio decades ago!!! To this day, I will sing this on cue - seriously if you test me on this you will have to suffer through it, because you can't say I didn't warn you.
I still remember all the words, yet I can't remember what I wore two days ago. This could be a very telling problem.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Cautiously Optimistic
Everything is turned in...I'm excited, but I'm being cautious with it, so that is all I'm going to say for now about school and graduating. In a couple weeks I will either be celebrating or not.
New subject: Oh wait, there really isn't anything, because all I can think about is whether I am going to graduate or not and getting some sleep. But as soon as I can think clearly there actually are stories to tell, dreams to dissect, plans to share or maybe not to share quite yet, and whatever other madness my mind can create.
New subject: Oh wait, there really isn't anything, because all I can think about is whether I am going to graduate or not and getting some sleep. But as soon as I can think clearly there actually are stories to tell, dreams to dissect, plans to share or maybe not to share quite yet, and whatever other madness my mind can create.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Taking A Break
I am taking a break from my paper because I have hit yet another wall, which is beyond frustrating at this point. I am so close to finishing, but it's not looking like it will get turned in tomorrow afterall!
But I was just thinking of what I cannot wait to do when I finally finish:
1. Get a good night's sleep! No bad dreams, no feeling guilty for going to bed before midnight!
2. Get back to a regular workout and running schedule, therefore losing the five pounds I have put on in the past couple weeks.
3. Going out with friends again (and not feeling guilty)!
4. Stop feeling guilty about doing anything other than schoolwork!
5. Recover from the horrible effects stress has had on me. Seriously, my hair, nails, skin, body feels like they have been neglected in way too long and it is time to start feeling like a girl again!!!!! I kind of resemble a zombie right now (pale, eyes sunk into my head, big black circles underneath - it is not a pretty sight)!
6. Reading a book for fun.
7. Finally starting my Christmas shopping - five days before Christmas is cutting it close.
8. Watching television, going to a movie, emailing my cousin in Washington State back from about a month (or maybe three) ago, sleeping in, fewer headaches (literally and figuratively), possibly dating again, working on craft projects, and so much more.
What I will miss:
1. Mental stimulation.
2. Being forced to read and learn new things.
3. The academic environment.
4. The sense that I am pursuing a goal (of course I already have a long list I am going to work towards after this, because there is no way I am sitting on my tail watching life pass me by).
5. And....well actually that is about all, and seriously I go back to school in August (hopefully) so I don't really think I will miss that stuff all that much!
I can't wait to be done!
But I was just thinking of what I cannot wait to do when I finally finish:
1. Get a good night's sleep! No bad dreams, no feeling guilty for going to bed before midnight!
2. Get back to a regular workout and running schedule, therefore losing the five pounds I have put on in the past couple weeks.
3. Going out with friends again (and not feeling guilty)!
4. Stop feeling guilty about doing anything other than schoolwork!
5. Recover from the horrible effects stress has had on me. Seriously, my hair, nails, skin, body feels like they have been neglected in way too long and it is time to start feeling like a girl again!!!!! I kind of resemble a zombie right now (pale, eyes sunk into my head, big black circles underneath - it is not a pretty sight)!
6. Reading a book for fun.
7. Finally starting my Christmas shopping - five days before Christmas is cutting it close.
8. Watching television, going to a movie, emailing my cousin in Washington State back from about a month (or maybe three) ago, sleeping in, fewer headaches (literally and figuratively), possibly dating again, working on craft projects, and so much more.
What I will miss:
1. Mental stimulation.
2. Being forced to read and learn new things.
3. The academic environment.
4. The sense that I am pursuing a goal (of course I already have a long list I am going to work towards after this, because there is no way I am sitting on my tail watching life pass me by).
5. And....well actually that is about all, and seriously I go back to school in August (hopefully) so I don't really think I will miss that stuff all that much!
I can't wait to be done!
Friday, December 12, 2008
An Update!
I did not end up in the mental hospital, although I am sure anyone who read Monday's post and then realized I have not posted since had begun to fear the worst. Instead I spent Monday griping, complaining, pulling my hair out and feeling sure I was going to die of a heart attack, and then I buckled down and got some work done. As of this morning I have turned in my completed 30 page internship journal, and delivered the appropriate forms to the appropriate offices. I will pick up the copy of my independent study with the professor revisions when I get off work and complete that on Sunday to be turned in bright and early Monday morning. And tonight and Saturday I will complete my senior symposium final, which will also be turned in on Monday!!!! And then I will just have to wait for the grades and the official word that everything is copesthetic! As I silently pray..."please, please post grades before Christmas"!!!
Monday, December 8, 2008
Crunch Time!!!!!
I am stressing out in the worst way! I am extremely scared I am going to fail miserably at my school stuff! My independent study, although being in progress, is nowhere near finished. My internship paperwork is so screwed up that it is quite possible there is no salvaging it! I am standing on the precipice and feel like I am 2 seconds away from a freefall! I do not think I can stand one week of stress like this, but I know I don't have a choice. There is simply too much to do in too little time. I hate that I am not a Type A personality, but instead am a Type B, with a serious procrastination problem!
In reality, I know I will complete my senior symposium class with a decent grade. I will finish this independent study and get at least a C, which is all I need! The internship may be the only problem and I will find out for sure on Wednesday. Worst case scenario I have to redo that in the Spring. That is worst case. Well worst case is I fail it all and have to redo it all, but that's pretty extreme, so I think I am safe on that one. I will still graduate in May, still be able to apply for grad school and still start looking for a different job!
But for all of you reading please, please pray for a miracle with my internship and independent study, because I really do need it!
Wow, I think I just wrote all of that holding my breath! I am such a basketcase today!
In reality, I know I will complete my senior symposium class with a decent grade. I will finish this independent study and get at least a C, which is all I need! The internship may be the only problem and I will find out for sure on Wednesday. Worst case scenario I have to redo that in the Spring. That is worst case. Well worst case is I fail it all and have to redo it all, but that's pretty extreme, so I think I am safe on that one. I will still graduate in May, still be able to apply for grad school and still start looking for a different job!
But for all of you reading please, please pray for a miracle with my internship and independent study, because I really do need it!
Wow, I think I just wrote all of that holding my breath! I am such a basketcase today!
Friday, December 5, 2008
No "Blue" Christmas For Me This Year
I remember when I was a child there was nothing more magical than Christmas! The lights, tree decorating, Christmas cookies, time with our cousins and Grandparents, Santa Claus, and of course the presents kept us excited for the entire month. I was never one to peek or look at my presents, because I would much rather be surprised. My sister and brother were a whole different story :) I think they still tell each other what they bought each other for Christmas, then wrap it and pretend to be surprised. Okay, now back to me...
It has been a long time since I have been excited about Christmas, but this year I have a sense of excitement I simply can't explain, not just about Christmas, but about life. I know part of it is I (may)graduate, which means there are so many directions my life can take at this point! But I think too, it's that I am blissfully aware that I am exactly who I am supposed to be at this point in my life. I am stronger then I have been in years. I can taste the accomplishment that comes with finally completing a goal I have worked way too long to achieve. I may not be where I thought I would be at this point in my life, but I still believe I am exactly where I am meant to be.
As for Christmas, I am not stressing about the money and gifts (just in case anyone is wondering - I am incredibly poor so gift giving will be very sparse, but one day when I am wealthy and debt-free I will make it up to you). This year, I am focusing on enjoying all of the things that I loved as a child, like the lights, food, time with friends and family, crafts (if I end up having time to do them), and putting up my Christmas tree. This will be the first year I put up a tree by myself, and believe it or not I am looking forward to it. It is kind of like my gift to myself. My apartment is my special place, so I will be the one to enjoy it the most (well, me and Michaela who is fascinated with lights and decorations according to her mom). I am also excited that for the first time in a long time being single and unattached at Christmas doesn't make me sad. I am constantly reminded that I am beyond blessed in so many ways and I am loved beyond measure by some incredible people.
That being said, I could be totally convinced this year that Santa does exist, if some sexy, intelligent, funny single guy wants to dress up in a red suit and let me sit on his lap and tell him what I want for Christmas while feeding me Christmas cookies, under (oops, I mean beside) the Christmas tree and attend family functions with me.
It has been a long time since I have been excited about Christmas, but this year I have a sense of excitement I simply can't explain, not just about Christmas, but about life. I know part of it is I (may)graduate, which means there are so many directions my life can take at this point! But I think too, it's that I am blissfully aware that I am exactly who I am supposed to be at this point in my life. I am stronger then I have been in years. I can taste the accomplishment that comes with finally completing a goal I have worked way too long to achieve. I may not be where I thought I would be at this point in my life, but I still believe I am exactly where I am meant to be.
As for Christmas, I am not stressing about the money and gifts (just in case anyone is wondering - I am incredibly poor so gift giving will be very sparse, but one day when I am wealthy and debt-free I will make it up to you). This year, I am focusing on enjoying all of the things that I loved as a child, like the lights, food, time with friends and family, crafts (if I end up having time to do them), and putting up my Christmas tree. This will be the first year I put up a tree by myself, and believe it or not I am looking forward to it. It is kind of like my gift to myself. My apartment is my special place, so I will be the one to enjoy it the most (well, me and Michaela who is fascinated with lights and decorations according to her mom). I am also excited that for the first time in a long time being single and unattached at Christmas doesn't make me sad. I am constantly reminded that I am beyond blessed in so many ways and I am loved beyond measure by some incredible people.
That being said, I could be totally convinced this year that Santa does exist, if some sexy, intelligent, funny single guy wants to dress up in a red suit and let me sit on his lap and tell him what I want for Christmas while feeding me Christmas cookies, under (oops, I mean beside) the Christmas tree and attend family functions with me.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Out of Curiosity....
Should I consider it a compliment or not when one of our clients from 5 yrs ago (who is younger than me, if that makes a difference) says "you haven't changed a bit"?
And just an interesting note...I just read about a family that has 17 kids, with 1 on the way and she actually gave birth to them all. I cannot even begin to imagine that kind of madness in my fairly solitary life. Although I am guessing labor and delivery is a breeze by now...
(Sneeze, "Put another seat at the breakfast table honey, we have a baby boy. I'll grab the milk".)
Okay, I joke, but in all honesty, I completely admire this woman, because there is no way I could do it!
And just an interesting note...I just read about a family that has 17 kids, with 1 on the way and she actually gave birth to them all. I cannot even begin to imagine that kind of madness in my fairly solitary life. Although I am guessing labor and delivery is a breeze by now...
(Sneeze, "Put another seat at the breakfast table honey, we have a baby boy. I'll grab the milk".)
Okay, I joke, but in all honesty, I completely admire this woman, because there is no way I could do it!
Running Update
We ran the Turkey Trot 5K on Thanksgiving Day! We have been running 3-4 miles at a time, although only about once or twice a week, but I never expected this race to be as hard as it was. The course was extremely hilly and kicked our butts!!! We ended up walking some of the uphill portions and our time was barely under 40 minutes, which was really bad considering how long we have been running, consistently or not. We were nowhere near last though, which made me feel much better about our performance! It reminded me how badly I need to get into shape and how much weight I still need to lose. But it was fun doing something that helped a worthy cause and spend time with friends and fellow runners.
And after I finish school we will begin seriously training for a half marathon in April!!
And after I finish school we will begin seriously training for a half marathon in April!!
Monday, December 1, 2008
I know this makes no sense :)
It is always better to know. I didn't used to believe that, but now I most definitely do. I thought it would hurt more, but it hurts less. I thought it would be more intense, but instead I am at peace. It is easier knowing than not, even if the answer wasn't what I really wanted to hear. Because now I am not constantly questioning, wishing and hoping, and I can simply move on. So from now on I will be more honest and open with people so that I don't waste time wondering, thinking that it's easier not knowing than knowing, because it's really not.
On a completely different note, I had an amazing weekend, short of the being sick part. I got to spend time with people I love and eat way too much. It was pretty close to perfect :)
On a completely different note, I had an amazing weekend, short of the being sick part. I got to spend time with people I love and eat way too much. It was pretty close to perfect :)
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