New Obsession

I have a new obsession and I am not sure it's a healthy one. I am becoming an avid reader of blogs about families and most of all people going through infertility. There is a part of me that says "of course I would want to read about others I can relate to", but then there is the part of me that is saying "how will you ever move forward if you continue to focus on what is not meant for you at this time". But, right now I choose to go with the part of me that is completely sure it is helping me. Peeking into other women's lives as they blog about their personal experiences is a gentle reminder that the women writing these blogs are going through similar situations and yet they continue to live their lives. This wanting and not being able to conceive a child can be all-consuming at times and this is a necessary reminder, to continue living and not to just become dormant or a casual observer of my own life. All of the blogs I am reading represent women at different stages of trying to become a mother. Some, like me, are still just hoping and trying "the good old fashioned way". Some are going through IVF treatments. And some, these are the most tragic and frightening for me to read, have miscarried or lost a baby. Then I read of families and I long for that life. So for a few minutes, sometimes hours a day, I focus on other people's lives, struggles and dreams deferred. For some reason, at least this week, this has been very cathartic for me. So as I prepare for a lovely four-day weekend, which will include my first solo roadtrip since 2009, time with my sister preparing her home for her precious baby who will be here in May/June, spending time with my beautiful niece, coming home to the love of my life, my husband, and spending time with the rest of my family on Sunday, I am oddly comforted knowing I am not the only one that is making the choice to live life to the fullest, all while longing to be the mother I know I am meant to be.

Birthday Time - Again!

Tomorrow is my birthday and I will be 35! I still can't believe that I am this grown-up version of me. I still feel young, like fresh out of high school young, until I get out of bed and my knee pops or I remember that conceiving a child in my 30's is obviously much harder than it would have been in my 20's. I feel happy and giddy in love, like a teenager, even after a year and a half of marriage. I still think like I am in my 20's, like I have the rest of my life to accomplish my goals. And I still have some of the same goals, such as skydiving and hiking the Appalachian Trail in its entirety, which would have been much easier on my body in my 20's :). But overall, I am reminded that the old adage "age is just a number" is so very true! What is far more important than my age is how good I feel about who I am, and right now, I feel really good about being me!