Holy Cow!!!

I cannot believe it has been four months since my last post! Life has been a whirlwind and I do not even know where to start. I could tell you how the doctor took me out of work a month early, and then had me deliver a month early via c-section, how there is no way to define the love that I felt when I "met" my beautiful son, Lane, how I have spent way too much time taking pics and cuddling to accomplish much else, how crazy it is to be as busy as I am, how some days I thought I was losing my mind from lack of sleep, how post-pregnancy hormones are MUCH worse than pregnancy hormones, or many other crazy details, but I won't! What I will say is that there is no feeling like being a mom! I had no idea how much I would love this little boy that has been entrusted to my care. I love caring for him. I love not being carefree and living life only for me. Now I am responsible for a human life, a little person, and it is my job (along with Jason of course) to raise him to be a man of honor, courageous, strong, kind, gentle, genuine and loving. I do not fear this like I thought I would. Instead I wake up each day, watch my little boy smile like I am the center of his world, and know that I have finally found my true purpose in life! I feel like this is so cliche to write, that I should be talking about all of the hard stuff, and do not get me wrong, there has been plenty of that, but that pales in comparison to being able to have this amazing journey with Jason and Lane!!

Love GOOD Doctor's visits!!!!

Our sweet baby boy gained 6 ozs in as many days! This is perfect growth and showed the doctors that he is getting the nutrients he needs! Mommy is gorging herself on lots and lots of protein rich foods to help assist his growth, which seems to be working! The specialist also gave us a timeframe for when Lane will join our family and it is as early as 3-4 weeks! I cannot even contain my excitement over this! Lane has been very active which tells me he is pretty excited about this as well :)

Letter to My Baby, Lane Everett

My sweet baby boy, Yesterday we found out that you are not growing like you should. This made mommy very sad, but now you and I will get extra special care. We have lots and lots of people praying too. I am praying for a miracle. I am praying that you start growing and that you don't come too early, or have to spend any time in NICU. I cannot wait to tell you about what a miracle you are when you are born. To explain that mommy and daddy did not even think we could have a baby, and then we were told not to try for awhile, but God had other plans. I cannot wait to show you this beautiful world and all that there is to offer. I want to watch you look at the bright lights, feel the sunshine on your skin, perk up at the sound of a dog barking and smile when you are happy. I want to hold you close and one day, many, many years from now, watch you walk away to a life that your daddy and I prepared you for the best we could. I want you to have everything in life that is important, love, security, strong values, love for the Lord, and a lot of happy days! I want to help you create a million memories and teach you to treasure the people in your life that matter. Mostly, I want you to know every day of your life since conception you have and will be loved! All of that being said, Mommy is giving you your first "order" and that is to please grow baby!!! Love Always, Mommy

So full

I love how much my baby is moving the past few days. He hardly sleeps (just like mommy), but every little kick, push, flip and turn makes my heart so happy! I cannot believe in 16 weeks or less my precious little Bunky will be in our arms, our home and our lives. I love him beyond reason and I have not even officially met him. My heart is so full of love for God, my husband, my baby, my family and my friends. I feel so full of life, dreams and hope for the future that Jason and I are planning as a family.

As I typed this I thought back a few years ago, to a time where I did not have strong feelings about anything. I simply did. I went through the motions. I lacked passion, vision, and the will to change. I was on auto-pilot, and I liked that. Because, I was not hurting. But in all honesty you cannot, more importantly should not, live your life "just going through the motions". We must embrace each moment, good, bad and otherwise as they come, because this is the true beauty of living. Once I learned to feel again, I realized that I would never go back to auto-pilot. Several months ago, I grieved intensely, today I rejoice the same way. And that friends, is what life is all about!

Living Inspired

I dream of living an inspired life. What that means to me may be different than what it means to you. To me, it means I want to create. I want to live a life of beauty, not physical but seeing the beauty in the world around me. I want to feel lighthearted, more often than not. I want to look at the world as if it is magic and full of whimsy. I want adventure, not necessarily heart stopping adventures (although those are great too), but going new places, new experiences, etc. I want to live in the present and think how amazing this moment is, rather than always pushing for a great reward at the end or worse living firmly planted in the past. I want to work hard, but play even harder. I want to make a difference in the lives of others. I want to find inspiration in others, but not be jealous, because my life does not come close to resembling what I want it to be. I want to be an inspiration, the type of person that makes people want to live a life of joy, acceptance, peace and happiness.

I am getting there. I have found blogs and people in my life that inspire me. I have started to tap into my creative side. I am letting go of some of my reservations, breaking my own routines and molds. I want to create things, and have even bought some crafty stuff. But to be honest that is a work in progress. I realize how important it is to teach my son these things one day, and in my opinion the only way I can teach him is to live them out myself. Jason and my sweet unborn baby boy are my greatest inspiration, because I want to not only inspire them, but for them to be proud to say I "belong" to them!

Life since the last post....

Jason and I lived in fear, elation, and general craziness everyday since my last post. These feeling continue and do not look like they will end soon. That's okay, because we are very happy to have the opportunity to grow our family, even if it scares the bejeebies out of us! One thing I know for sure is that I am truly loving this wild ride of life these days!

December: We celebrated Christmas with our family, heard our sweet babies heartbeat for the first time, cried, laughed, bought gifts, wrapped gifts, started letters to my precious baby, who we nicknamed "Bunky", short for Baby Monkey, worked and started to let the idea that we were really having a baby sink in.

January: We went to Virginia Beach for New Years, drove on the Boardwalk to see the Christmas light show, ate at Jason's favorite restaurant at VA Beach (Waterman's), heard our baby's heartbeat again (this time much stronger), I lived in fear I was going to be fired from my job under an enormous amount of pressure, Jason went out of town for work, he came back and has had a horrible time on the job since, we turned in our daycare application, and throughout the month I realized it was time to truly start reaching my potential in life, stretching my boundaries and creating the life I always dreamed of for me and my little family.

February: So far...Jason and I hit a rough patch, basically too much work and not enough fun, we have since tweaked that, went to some local (non-chain) restaurants this past weekend, saw our baby on the ultrasound and found out we are having a BOY, we freaked out some more, framed baby's first picture, celebrated Valentine's quietly with a candlelit dinner at home and today I am working, at the job I am very thankful to have, despite it's stresses.

For such a busy few months, it was sure quick to summarize :) I am hoping to get Internet at home soon, so I can post pics and blogs regularly!