I read Proverbs 31 this morning, you know just to give me yet another standard in my life I can't live up to, and in it I found a "jewel" I had never gathered from it.
I always focused on how she seemed to be the perfect wife...industrious, noble, good to the needy and helpless, able to cook, sew, manage a house, sell at the market, create beauty, dressed in beautiful garments (which means she tried to look good for her husband, as well as dressing respectfully), buy and plant a garden to provide income for the home and still keep her husband happy...all of these things seem to make this idealized version of a wife and mother impossible to even try to attain, so generally I avoid that chapter in the Bible like the plague (kind of like Revelation because it scares me to death).
Segue to today and my story goes like this: I have been going through some medical stuff (teeth, blood pressure, etc.) that has left me feeling rundown, beat down, frustrated and overall a fairly unpleasant wife for a man that deserves so much better in my opinion. I never do my makeup, I am working and budgeting but not happily, and I spend far more time complaining then I do any uplifting. But today I caught a scripture that spoke to me.
Proverbs 31:25 "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come."
And in a nutshell this is the woman I want to be, even if I can't be all those other things (because we know for sure I am not the cook in the house and Jason sews his own buttons poor thing). I want to be strong in and out for my husband. I want him to be able to lean on me and me on him when times get tough. I want to carry my self with dignity, which basically equates to being worthy of respect, or held in high esteem by others. And mostly I want to keep my sense of humor. I want to be able to laugh with him, smile no matter what because I know I am blessed. I am blessed to have him, to be walking this earth, to have a job, a home, a life that I can build around God and each other. This is what's important. Sure life will not always be easy but if I can remember this one scripture I know that much of the other will fall into place. I need to have more fun and be far less focused on the bad, even if it is me feeling physically bad for an extended period of time.
And quite possibly the old adage is true "laughter is the best medicine" and it can help whatever ails me, whether it is physical sickness, frustration, fear or any of the many emotions I feel in a day!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
A Slightly More Accurate Portrayal of My Life
I haven't written much here lately. I can use all the same excuses, such as no time, etc., but the truth is I quit blogging because I was no longer blogging for me. Instead I was blogging for an audience. I wanted people to see the bright airy side of my life. And in all actuality much of it is just that, because I am happy, free, loved and moving forward in so many areas of my life.
But here is the a slightly more accurate portrayal of some parts of my life:
Marriage: Is wonderful, except when it's not. I love my husband all the time but there are days we do not like each other. Luckily that doesn't last long for either one of us. My marriage is far from perfect, but so am I so what did I expect. What my marriage is for sure, is forever because we both choose that, not because it's always easy or even always what we want. It is also all the wonderful things I have said. I love having Jason to come home to every night. I love that neither of us is searching for that elusive "one" or "something special", because despite the good, bad or in between we have found that in eachother.
Work/Job: I am completely excited about my new job, no doubt, but I am having a hard time leaving this one. It's familiar. It's safe. It's secure in an odd way. It's been my "home away from home" for 9 years and we all know I don't like change. I've adjusted to the solitude of working alone. A new job represents uncertainty. But it's also a challenge that I am looking forward to embracing. I look forward to meeting new people, but I am scared because I am still incredibly shy. The job itself frightens me, because despite the fact I am a quick learner I am also doing things I have never done....good thing I actually do like a challenge :) And I do know that in a month it will become my new norm, which makes me feel safe and secure again.
Finances: They suck! Really no more to say, except we realize we have been spending ridiculous amounts of money on frivolous things and we are trying to budget.
Life in general: Most of the time I feel like a failure, except when I don't. In my opinion I am an awful housekeeper, wife, friend, sister, daughter, stepmother, potential mother, employee, child of God, etc., but then one day I realize I'm not doing so bad. We all feel the same way at times. And as long as I don't feel I am doing everything "right" it means I have something to strive for. I also have done much better at prioritizing, except when I don't... You see I'm realizing life is every little piece put together, the good, the bad and everything in between. Alone, each tiny portion amounts to nothing, but put together the portrait of my life, although less than perfect is beautiful.
But here is the a slightly more accurate portrayal of some parts of my life:
Marriage: Is wonderful, except when it's not. I love my husband all the time but there are days we do not like each other. Luckily that doesn't last long for either one of us. My marriage is far from perfect, but so am I so what did I expect. What my marriage is for sure, is forever because we both choose that, not because it's always easy or even always what we want. It is also all the wonderful things I have said. I love having Jason to come home to every night. I love that neither of us is searching for that elusive "one" or "something special", because despite the good, bad or in between we have found that in eachother.
Work/Job: I am completely excited about my new job, no doubt, but I am having a hard time leaving this one. It's familiar. It's safe. It's secure in an odd way. It's been my "home away from home" for 9 years and we all know I don't like change. I've adjusted to the solitude of working alone. A new job represents uncertainty. But it's also a challenge that I am looking forward to embracing. I look forward to meeting new people, but I am scared because I am still incredibly shy. The job itself frightens me, because despite the fact I am a quick learner I am also doing things I have never done....good thing I actually do like a challenge :) And I do know that in a month it will become my new norm, which makes me feel safe and secure again.
Finances: They suck! Really no more to say, except we realize we have been spending ridiculous amounts of money on frivolous things and we are trying to budget.
Life in general: Most of the time I feel like a failure, except when I don't. In my opinion I am an awful housekeeper, wife, friend, sister, daughter, stepmother, potential mother, employee, child of God, etc., but then one day I realize I'm not doing so bad. We all feel the same way at times. And as long as I don't feel I am doing everything "right" it means I have something to strive for. I also have done much better at prioritizing, except when I don't... You see I'm realizing life is every little piece put together, the good, the bad and everything in between. Alone, each tiny portion amounts to nothing, but put together the portrait of my life, although less than perfect is beautiful.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
After months and months....
of praying, frustration, sending out resumes and interviews I got a new job!!!! I am so excited about this job and opportunity! It is in the "social work" field and is exactly the type of job I was looking for! I will write more later on the job title/description, but right now I just wanted to say I GOT A NEW JOB!!!! God has truly blessed me!
Friday, January 15, 2010
Family Traditions
Jason and I started a new tradition, well more like a routine last night that I really hope we stick with from now on. We ate dinner at the table. We also made "rules" for dinner time: 1. No television 2. No phone calls, texts, Facebook, etc. And we loved it! We ate and talked for almost an hour. It was even better than a restaurant because there were no distractions. We reminisced and shared stories from our childhoood we hadn't shared yet. It kind of felt like when we first started dating and we were just getting to know each other.
Last night Jason and I discussed the dying tradition of family dinners around the table. It's so sad to see fewer and fewer families coming together to eat without a television or phones interrupting the meal, because this can be such a crucial time for families to learn about each other and to know that they have someone to talk to no matter what.
I remember as a child family dinners were oftentimes the best part of the day. Mom, dad, Jenn, David and I would all sit around the dinner table eating and discussing our day or interesting topics. It was such an amazing time of bonding. I think it's because of these dinners that we are still so open with each other today. We feel comfortable sharing our lives with one another even though we all have our separate homes now. And we still LOVE family get togethers and dinners!
I loved dinner with Jason last night! It not only brought back childhood memories of my family, but it seemed to make the two of us a little more family ourselves :)
Last night Jason and I discussed the dying tradition of family dinners around the table. It's so sad to see fewer and fewer families coming together to eat without a television or phones interrupting the meal, because this can be such a crucial time for families to learn about each other and to know that they have someone to talk to no matter what.
I remember as a child family dinners were oftentimes the best part of the day. Mom, dad, Jenn, David and I would all sit around the dinner table eating and discussing our day or interesting topics. It was such an amazing time of bonding. I think it's because of these dinners that we are still so open with each other today. We feel comfortable sharing our lives with one another even though we all have our separate homes now. And we still LOVE family get togethers and dinners!
I loved dinner with Jason last night! It not only brought back childhood memories of my family, but it seemed to make the two of us a little more family ourselves :)
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Remembering the Best Year of My Life So Far - 2009!!
I found these questions on a random blog I read that I won't link to since it isn't even someone I know :D, but here is my 2009 in review:
1. What did you do in 2009 that you have never done before?
Witnessed a baby being born!
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions and will you make more for 2010?
I generally set goals and not do resolutions, but I didn't accomplish too many of those. This year I have fewer goals for the year and higher hopes of actually accomplishing the few I do have. My one "resolution" is to not be so fearful. I used to be almost fearless but lately I've realized that I am far more "cautious" these days. I want to be less cautious and more daring!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth in 2009?
Yes and my sister will be giving birth this year which I am incredibly excited about.
4. Did anyone close to you die in 2009?
My stepdad's dad. I wasn't particularly close to him, but it's always hard to see people you love lose a parent or close family member.
5. What countries did you visit this year?
Just the U.S.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
On a personal level a better self-esteem...in general, financial security.
7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 10, 2009 and October 3, 2009...January 10th was mine and Jason's "first" date (this time around) and October 3rd was our wedding day!!!!!!!!
8. What was your biggest struggle in 2009?
Believing that I was actually worthy of someone's love.
9. Did you suffer any illness or injury in 2009?
The usual colds, sinuses and migraines. I did sprain my ankle in WV making apple butter :D
10. What was the best thing you bought this year?
My wedding dress!
11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Wow, there are so many people I admire. I have to say Jason's the most though. He is so incredibly patient, kind, understanding, loyal, and loving. Also, my sister's faithfulness and trust in God despite a very challenging struggle.
12. Whose behavior disappointed you?
My own dissapoints me far more than anyone else's ever could!
13. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, wedding, honeymoon, gifts for Birthdays and Christmas, traveling in general
14. What did you get really really excited about this year?
Finding and marrying the love of my life, my sister getting pregnant, a week at the beach for our honeymoon, and my graduation from college!!!!!
15. What song will always remind you of 2009?
"We are Family" Haha!
16. Compared to this time last year, are you: much happier, much nicer or richer?
Much happier!!!!!!!
17. What do you wish you had done more of?
Kept up with friends better, saved more money, read my Bible, job hunted.
18. What do you wish you had done less of?
Doubt myself!
19. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Absolutely!!!!!!!
20. What was your favorite TV Program in 2009?
Biggest Loser and House.
21. What was the best book you read this year?
I read several good ones, I'll have to get back with you on that one for titles and authors.
22. What was your greatest musical discovery this past year?
Umm...Guitar Hero (haha! Just kidding!) Can't really say I had one though.
23. What did you want and get?
My wedding ring, the promise of forever, happiness, contentment, peace
24. What was the best movie you saw this year?
The Blind Side and P.S. I Love You!
25. What did you do on your birthday and how old did you turn?
I turned 33. I went out to eat with some of my friends and family and then went home and relaxed! It was fantastic!
26. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?
Wow, probably the only thing would have been a little more financial stability. Oh wait the real big one is A NEW JOB!!!!!!!
27. How would you describe your personal fashion statement this year?
The bigger I get the less I have that fits me, so my thoughts on this is pretty much find something that fits, preferably in black and go with it!
28. What kept you sane this year?
Sane doesn't quite fit me :) Jason, my friends, family, starting back to church.
29. What celebrity did you fancy the most?
Gerard Butler.
30. Who did you miss this past year?
My Grandma Lois and someone I wish I could have known, Jason's mom. I wish they both could have been at our wedding and seen how happy we are together!
31. Who were the best new people you met this year?
My stepdaughter and my in-laws (father-in-law, sisters-in-law).
32. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year:
To never be so stuck in your plans that you pass up a wonderful opportunity. This time last year I was planning on moving away and if I hadn't been open to see where my relationship with Jason was going to go I may have missed out on the best thing that has ever happened to me. Also, to trust others and myself (although I am still working on this one), because it's okay to remember my mistakes and mishaps so I learn from the past, but not to let it stop me from being open in the future.
In a nutshell this was the best year of my life! I am so blessed and happy! I can't wait to see what the future holds!!
1. What did you do in 2009 that you have never done before?
Witnessed a baby being born!
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions and will you make more for 2010?
I generally set goals and not do resolutions, but I didn't accomplish too many of those. This year I have fewer goals for the year and higher hopes of actually accomplishing the few I do have. My one "resolution" is to not be so fearful. I used to be almost fearless but lately I've realized that I am far more "cautious" these days. I want to be less cautious and more daring!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth in 2009?
Yes and my sister will be giving birth this year which I am incredibly excited about.
4. Did anyone close to you die in 2009?
My stepdad's dad. I wasn't particularly close to him, but it's always hard to see people you love lose a parent or close family member.
5. What countries did you visit this year?
Just the U.S.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
On a personal level a better self-esteem...in general, financial security.
7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 10, 2009 and October 3, 2009...January 10th was mine and Jason's "first" date (this time around) and October 3rd was our wedding day!!!!!!!!
8. What was your biggest struggle in 2009?
Believing that I was actually worthy of someone's love.
9. Did you suffer any illness or injury in 2009?
The usual colds, sinuses and migraines. I did sprain my ankle in WV making apple butter :D
10. What was the best thing you bought this year?
My wedding dress!
11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Wow, there are so many people I admire. I have to say Jason's the most though. He is so incredibly patient, kind, understanding, loyal, and loving. Also, my sister's faithfulness and trust in God despite a very challenging struggle.
12. Whose behavior disappointed you?
My own dissapoints me far more than anyone else's ever could!
13. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, wedding, honeymoon, gifts for Birthdays and Christmas, traveling in general
14. What did you get really really excited about this year?
Finding and marrying the love of my life, my sister getting pregnant, a week at the beach for our honeymoon, and my graduation from college!!!!!
15. What song will always remind you of 2009?
"We are Family" Haha!
16. Compared to this time last year, are you: much happier, much nicer or richer?
Much happier!!!!!!!
17. What do you wish you had done more of?
Kept up with friends better, saved more money, read my Bible, job hunted.
18. What do you wish you had done less of?
Doubt myself!
19. Did you fall in love in 2009?
Absolutely!!!!!!!
20. What was your favorite TV Program in 2009?
Biggest Loser and House.
21. What was the best book you read this year?
I read several good ones, I'll have to get back with you on that one for titles and authors.
22. What was your greatest musical discovery this past year?
Umm...Guitar Hero (haha! Just kidding!) Can't really say I had one though.
23. What did you want and get?
My wedding ring, the promise of forever, happiness, contentment, peace
24. What was the best movie you saw this year?
The Blind Side and P.S. I Love You!
25. What did you do on your birthday and how old did you turn?
I turned 33. I went out to eat with some of my friends and family and then went home and relaxed! It was fantastic!
26. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?
Wow, probably the only thing would have been a little more financial stability. Oh wait the real big one is A NEW JOB!!!!!!!
27. How would you describe your personal fashion statement this year?
The bigger I get the less I have that fits me, so my thoughts on this is pretty much find something that fits, preferably in black and go with it!
28. What kept you sane this year?
Sane doesn't quite fit me :) Jason, my friends, family, starting back to church.
29. What celebrity did you fancy the most?
Gerard Butler.
30. Who did you miss this past year?
My Grandma Lois and someone I wish I could have known, Jason's mom. I wish they both could have been at our wedding and seen how happy we are together!
31. Who were the best new people you met this year?
My stepdaughter and my in-laws (father-in-law, sisters-in-law).
32. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned this year:
To never be so stuck in your plans that you pass up a wonderful opportunity. This time last year I was planning on moving away and if I hadn't been open to see where my relationship with Jason was going to go I may have missed out on the best thing that has ever happened to me. Also, to trust others and myself (although I am still working on this one), because it's okay to remember my mistakes and mishaps so I learn from the past, but not to let it stop me from being open in the future.
In a nutshell this was the best year of my life! I am so blessed and happy! I can't wait to see what the future holds!!
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