Making Time To Be Happy

I live by a clock most days from the moment I get up, until I go to bed. To make life run smoothly I have to be in the shower by 6:00 a.m., out the door by 7:45 a.m., at work by 8:30 a.m. and so on. Even throughout the day, my day is scheduled around meeting times, scheduling time to complete paperwork, rescheduling meetings, etc. For years, I have set a goal to clean each night for a certain amount of time. Believe it or not, 15 mins was a sufficient amount of time each day during the week, when I was single. Then it went to 30 and most recently, I was doing an hour of cleaning a night and still feeling overwhelmed. I felt like I rushed all day, rushed all night until I fell into bed exhausted. I would use a stopwatch to make sure I completed the appropriate amount of cleaning, constantly feeling bad if I did not meet my goal. I was always asking Jason how "other people keep up with everything". I still do not have the answer to that :) But the other day, I realized I had had enough of living by the clock and focusing on numbers (the number of to do list items I completed, the number of chapters of the Bible I read, the number of minutes I spent on a given task). So I took my cleaning time off my to do list. I now just pick up an item, or complete a task before leaving a room. The result, I am finally making progress on my house cleaning, I feel less stressed, and wonder of wonders I have time for fun. Last night's bit of fun involved going outside and playing with Lane for awhile, without anything to distract me from him (meaning no phone-because I couldn't find it, but I will be doing that more often),and without feeling like I was failing at anything. I was able to just have fun. Tonight, we are going to church. Now I am excited to go home, because each night holds room for a new activity that I actually enjoy, or simply time to spend with my sweet husband and son. God has been laying on my heart that I may need to do this more often. I need to make time for fun, laughter, to soak in His peace, to spend time with my husband holding his hand, spend time truly playing with my sweet little boy, being creative, being happy! Life is always going to have tasks that must be completed, and I cannot do without my clock, or even my lists (because then I just feel out of sorts). But I can stop putting quite so much pressure on myself. No, my house will never be perfectly clean, or perfectly decorated, but hopefully people will always feel that a happy family resides there when they enter. And mostly, I hope Jason and Lane can have their wife and mommy back!