My sister's husband thinks she is "a rock star", which he prominently placed on Facebook yesterday. This is not the first time he has done this. His assessment is not only true, but a genuine, heartfelt sentiment about his wife. He adores her, believes in her, sees her inner and outer beauty, trusts her, and knows she is an awesome mother to their two adorable children.
I do not doubt that my husband feels the same way about me, although I am pretty sure he does not think I am a rock star. This has caused me great angst at times, thus perpetuating a vicious cycle. See, I have come to the realization that this is my fault and problem, so to speak, rather than his.
Let me rewind for a second. When we firat stated dating, my husband told me how much he admired me and was inspired by me. I had just finished getting my Bachelor's Degree, while working full-time and juggling a myriad of responsibilities. I felt like I could conquer the world, and it showed. Fast forward five years, and I am 40 lbs heavier, a slightly disheveled, generally stressed out mom and wife. Although, I love my life with a capital "L", I feel far less rock starish (I do know this is not a word). But more importantly, I spend so much time telling my husband what a failure I think I am, because in full disclosure, a domestic goddess, I am not, that there is no room for him to keep me on the pedestal he most assuredly had me on, especially when I am pointing out that the pedestal is actually mounds of laundry that I have yet to fold.
I realized yesterday, after a rant about not being able to do what " normal" women do, that something needed to change. The rant started, because we were out of lunch meat for him to pack his lunch (yes, my poor husband has to pack his own lunch, and again in full disclosure my sister does pack her husband's lunch, which kind of really does make her a rock star in my book, but I digress). I proceeded to explain that "other women" always have clean houses and they prepare gourmet meals straight off the pages of Pinterest. It was shortly after this rant that I realized I have not been doing a very good job of selling myself as "worthy" of my husband's much desired assessment that I am in fact a rock star at this thing called life.
I also realized that I would never go into my workplace and point out that I was fifteenish minutes late, or that I got that paperwork submitted just in time, or hat I was falling behind. Instead I would go in smiling, to make sure they don't notice, or blame it on the two year old refusing to brush his teeth. I would proudly hand in my notes, knowing they were turned in on time, even if it was by the skin of my teeth, and I would most definitely focus on that fact, before casually, almost dismissively mentioning that I had forgotten and not completed a, let's say quarterly review (this may or may not have happened on 1 or many occasions).
So my final assessment on what it takes to be seen as a rock star is to have the belief that you are one. And when I know I am falling a little short of being on top of it all, be kind to myself, and to my husband (being kind to him is of utmost importance to be seen as a rock star by him). I have come to believe that it is time for women, starting with me, to stop downplaying how incredibly awesome we are, and to start truly tapping in to our inner rock star! Because, in all honesty, a great rock star is someone who simply believed they were good enough and were smart enough to hire great publicists.
