Life has gotten scary lately. Mostly about finances, but
there are a lot of "things" that have contributed to this, such as all of the crazy world things (have you seen our choices for President this year), my child seeming completely
uninterested in learning things, the not enough time with my husband for us to
feel like we can connect thing, and so on that make life seem a little terrifying,
but mostly, today it is the financial thing.
I hate it, because we have been working hard on paying off
debts, rebuilding credit, paying bills on time, all of the really grown-up
financial things that one does when they are, you know, a grown-up. It took us longer than most to pick up on this adult way of living regarding our finances. But in the last year and a half, we have
been far more adult about our finances, but yet in the last few months have found ourselves under an increasingly
significant financial strain. This time it is far less our poor spending
habits, or other usual culprits, but simply not enough income versus the
output. Poor medical insurance (thank you Obamacare for ruining awesome
coverage we used to have through our employers), large medical costs, including
an ambulance and hospital trip for the youngest amongst us, coupled with a
significant, albeit unavoidable decrease in my already limited work hours for
an extended period of time, have simply put a financial strain on us. Strain or
intense, diamond forming pressure (potato,potatoe), either of these would fit
the bill. I have gone from setting financial goals of saving a certain amount
to a goal of simply having a certain amount left in savings by the end of the
year. We cannot save right now, we cannot keep from pulling from savings. It
feels a little like drowning, and I am simply trying to minimize the damage.
Jason and I are considering whether I should go back to work
full-time. Taking out of consideration the time I would be losing with Lane,
which would completely break my heart, I really do not know how we would manage
without having a support system of people to help when he gets sick (which is
often), or the daycare is closed. The
sad part of this is that we have lived here for a very long time, and still do not
have this support system. Knowing how complicated and sad me going back to work full-time would be, it is quite possibly becoming the
only option.
We are praying. I know God has this, and that lessons will
be learned, faith will be built, and we will be okay. Sometimes knowing this,
and having faith, does not make the struggle any easier though.
