Call Me Crazy....

But Fridays always feel a little bit like the night before Christmas to me!!!I LOVE weekends when Jason is off and we have plans (even if they consist of a car show...hahaha!) I think the next weekend he has off, I will convince him that we NEED to go to the beach to maintain my sanity!

Perfection Eludes Me, Happiness Does Not!

I have always been a wannabe Type A Personality. I want to have it all together. I want to strive for perfection. I want to dream and then work my butt off to accomplish those dreams. But alas, test after test has told me what I already knew, and that is that I am a solid "B" personality. Believe it or not "Type B" is the middle of the road, pretty great place to be personality, even if the Type A's are the only ones that seem to get noticed! Most days I beat myself up that I am not more accomplished and perfect. Then I beat myself up for being a "wannabe". I think I want today to be the day I stop wanting to be something I am not. I will stop wanting to be perfect, and focus a little more on being happy! Here are a few things I know that I love about my "B" personality... I love that I can let the chores go to play with my little boy or cuddle on the couch with my honey. I love that I am able to take a trip, even if the house is a mess, and forget about that mess while I am gone. I love that my job is just my job, not where I gain my sense of self. I love that I am learning to accept that even if I could cook a fancy dinner every night, I do not want to cook a fancy dinner, so I won't. I am even beginning to love that I am not a perfect parent, because my son needs to know that people will make mistakes and know what it takes to learn/grow/rectify them. I am never going to be perfect (don't tell anyone, but neither is ANYONE else on this earth). I think it is time to find a certain peace and fun in my imperfections. And, when I cannot find any good from my lack of ambition towards the pinnacle of perfection, I will simply remind myself that some of the unhappiest people I know are the "Type A's". So while I will watch and admire them, often dreaming I could be (so well-dressed, put together, organized, accomplished in my job, crafty, etc.), at the end of the day, when I lay down to sleep in my cluttered, messy room, I will try more often to acknowledge that being who I am, where I am in my life right now is a pretty happy place to "B"e! (If you have never taken a personality test, you may be really confused by this post and should CHOOSE to ignore it!)

Making Time To Be Happy

I live by a clock most days from the moment I get up, until I go to bed. To make life run smoothly I have to be in the shower by 6:00 a.m., out the door by 7:45 a.m., at work by 8:30 a.m. and so on. Even throughout the day, my day is scheduled around meeting times, scheduling time to complete paperwork, rescheduling meetings, etc. For years, I have set a goal to clean each night for a certain amount of time. Believe it or not, 15 mins was a sufficient amount of time each day during the week, when I was single. Then it went to 30 and most recently, I was doing an hour of cleaning a night and still feeling overwhelmed. I felt like I rushed all day, rushed all night until I fell into bed exhausted. I would use a stopwatch to make sure I completed the appropriate amount of cleaning, constantly feeling bad if I did not meet my goal. I was always asking Jason how "other people keep up with everything". I still do not have the answer to that :) But the other day, I realized I had had enough of living by the clock and focusing on numbers (the number of to do list items I completed, the number of chapters of the Bible I read, the number of minutes I spent on a given task). So I took my cleaning time off my to do list. I now just pick up an item, or complete a task before leaving a room. The result, I am finally making progress on my house cleaning, I feel less stressed, and wonder of wonders I have time for fun. Last night's bit of fun involved going outside and playing with Lane for awhile, without anything to distract me from him (meaning no phone-because I couldn't find it, but I will be doing that more often),and without feeling like I was failing at anything. I was able to just have fun. Tonight, we are going to church. Now I am excited to go home, because each night holds room for a new activity that I actually enjoy, or simply time to spend with my sweet husband and son. God has been laying on my heart that I may need to do this more often. I need to make time for fun, laughter, to soak in His peace, to spend time with my husband holding his hand, spend time truly playing with my sweet little boy, being creative, being happy! Life is always going to have tasks that must be completed, and I cannot do without my clock, or even my lists (because then I just feel out of sorts). But I can stop putting quite so much pressure on myself. No, my house will never be perfectly clean, or perfectly decorated, but hopefully people will always feel that a happy family resides there when they enter. And mostly, I hope Jason and Lane can have their wife and mommy back!

I Need...

a computer at home, with internet, of course. I want to blog and post pictures. I want to start sharing some of the crazy, beautiful, hectic, lovely, amazing moments of my life with others, but I do not have time at work (plus they won't let me post pictures from work...boo hiss)! So until I get some money I guess my blog will continue to sit quiet and blank :(