I Love Being In Love!

Someone told me yesterday that you can tell I am a newlywed because my Facebook status updates are always so "sugary" and lovey-dovey! And it's true, but this statement makes me very happy. Why you may ask? Doesn't this embarass me? Aren't I too old for this kind of "in love" experience? But in all honesty I am thrilled by it, because I want people to know that I am happy!

I want to share in the delight I get from being with the man I love and who loves me back. I have been down the road too many times of being with, or wanting the wrong person. I have spent many years, holidays and vacations alone. I have simultaneously longed for and rejected the idea of being with "the one" for me for many years. And now, I am blessed and happier than I can ever remember being. There is nothing like it. I am also so glad that people see it. I want to inspire those that may have forgotten what it feels like to be so in love with somebody. I want to offer hope to those that may have given up on finding love. I want to enjoy it, share it, live it, believe in it, and hold on to it.

So folks I have to say the truth of the matter is I love being in love with Jason, being with Jason, being loved by him, and wouldn't change it for anything in the world :)

The Lost Art of Focus

I have come to the realization that in America we have lost the ability to focus. In my everyday life there are more times than not that I literally miss out on conversations, or completely forget what I am saying because I have forgotten how to focus. I am not paying attention because I have fifty million things going through my head distracting me. Today everybody is expected to multitask. In work situations the average worker is expected to answer phones, monitor emails, deal with customers, and complete whatever type of work they do all in a matter of hours.

One of our main problems is that we are a society that is completely linked. At any given moment I am keeping up with text messages, emails, Facebook, IM, the weather, the news flashes and trying to do all of the above mentioned work. This level of awareness and sensory input ends up leaving me completely stressed out and exhausted by the end of the day, as well as feeling as if I accomplished absolutely nothing each night when I go to bed. This causes me to have way too many sleepless nights which only makes it more difficult the next day to keep up.

So my goal from here on out is to learn how to focus. I do believe that focus is a learned behavior in this high-tech era. I can’t decide if I really ever learned how. I guess as a child it’s easy to focus when your main goals are to play, clean your room (maybe), eat, bathe and sleep. I do remember living wholly and completely in those moments! I remember a time of no stress and few worries. Granted adulthood comes with a host of worries that a child never has to deal with, but I firmly believe that if I could learn to focus on one task at a time I would in fact get a lot more accomplished and feel genuinely happier. I recognize that so many of the tasks I start I never finish because I didn’t focus on the task and follow through with it until it was completed.

Starting today I am working on one task at a time to its completion, marking off my to-do list one at a time. If I only get 5 of the 25 things done at least that is 5 fully completed tasks, done well. I think I could be proud of that, rather than dabbling in 15 of the 25 and not really doing any of them well. I also am going to work on living in the moment a little more. I want to truly listen when my husband talks rather than checking my Facebook and mumbling yes here and there. I want to enjoy the time I write my blog rather than having it be something I do because I haven’t in awhile and it’s simply a way to mark it off my list. I also think it’s time to start expecting a little less of myself and others. I don’t have to answer every email, Facebook comment within 15 minutes. I don’t have to even answer every phone call (except at work). I don’t have to have a perfectly clean house. And, I need to remember that if I don’t have to do these things than neither does everyone else. For me life is going to become a little more about living it fully and enjoying it completely rather than just making it through the day!

Me + You = Us

On our wedding day the Pastor announced us as a married couple for the first time as Jason and Brandy Moore. This was not my idea and I even balked it at first...I wanted to be announced as Mr. and Mrs. Jason Moore. Jason disagreed because he said that I was part of this marriage, much more than just Mrs. Basically he wanted it to be known that despite being married, we were still individuals, no one greater, or less important than the other. I hesitantly agreed with him, still secretly bemoaning the fact I couldn't just be Mrs., because in all honesty it was a badge of honor, basically it meant that I belonged to someone.

Jump to today (four weeks post-wedding day) and I am still blissfully in love and very glad I married such a wonderful man. That being said, for some reason, partly just because I am a female I am sure, I have been unhappy off and on. I can attribute it to a few stressors such as finances, my job, etc., but still to be so happy in one area of my life made me worry and wonder as to why I was feeling down at all. But last night and today it hit me. I've lost me.

Explanation: I was quite independent prior to Jason and I dating. I also really, honest to goodness believed I would NEVER get married again, or even be in a serious relationship. When we started dating I became so caught up in the "we" aspect, and so excited to say "we will be able to come", "we did this" or some other form of "we" that I forgot there is still a "me" part that desperately needs to shine and be nurtured.

In the past 9 months I have gained a lot of weight, lost touch with some of my friends, not focused on any of my dreams/goals, or indulged in much "me" time. I have also rarely driven anywhere, nor do I go places I used to love to go alone anymore. This is not at all Jason's fault. We are just truly that caught up in eachother.

He's my bestfriend, my heart and soul and I love being with him. And I know this in itself is not a bad thing. I love that we get to spend every day together. I love that he's my forever. I love that we're so happy together, have so much fun together, and have so many common goals. I love being in love with him, no matter what he's there, he's mine and I'm so very, very blessed.

But I know now it's time to reclaim and nurture the "me" part again too. Jason fell in love with the unique, independent individual that I was, not some forlorn, sappy, I can't do anything if you're not attached at my hip person. He fell in love with me, not just the idea of us. He fell in love with the girl that didn't put herself down all the time for her weight, or feel like he was going to leave because I'm just not good enough. It's hard to admit, but in this short time (9 months) I have changed from the woman he fell in love with and now it's time to bring her back!

This realization comes at a good time since my fantastic husband just got a job, that at least for the short-term will take him away from me a little more (no more riding together to work, lunches together, long phone calls in the middle of the day, etc.). At first I was actually devastated that he wouldn't be so "available" to me, but then I realized that we need this! We both need to regain a little of our individuality so that we can be a stronger couple. I need to be the woman I know I can be, and I need to let him be the man I know he is. Plus being the intelligent woman I am, I know the time apart (which is actually not that much :D) will make us miss each other more, and embracing some of my individual pursuits (like running, reading, etc.) will remind him what a fascinating, wonderful woman he married!

Update!!!

I can't believe that it has been a month and a half since I've posted. So much has happened in that time that it would take forever to update it! Suffice it to say it has been one of the best periods of time in my life. I LOVE my husband with all of my heart and am so blessed to be his wife!

We had a beautiful wedding!








The day was perfect!!! My favorite moment was when I began to walk down the aisle and locked eyes with Jason. From that moment on noone else existed but the two of us! He is my bestfriend and I love him more than I ever thought possible. I am so thankful to all the friends and family that helped and attended!

Our honeymoon was just as amazing! We spent the week in a beautiful condo at Surfside/Myrtle Beach! I'm hoping to do a post with pics included soon! Some of the highlights were that we went on a dolphin watching cruise and we saw alligators in the wild :) We also went to the Grande Cirque show, which was incredible! The trip was all that I hoped for and then some!!!!! We can't wait to go back, and have even tossed around the idea of moving there, although I'm quite sure that won't be happening :D

Since the honeymoon we have just been enjoying being married and being together. Each day I fall more in love with him as I realize what an incredible man he is!

Yesterday I went and officially changed my name, so now I am officially Mrs. Moore! This makes me so happy!!!!!!

Well (if I have any readers left) I hope you have had a wonderful month as well! I will try to be a more diligent poster from now on, but I've said that before :D

Fall is in the Air :)

I absolutely love the changing of seasons. As much as I dislike winter generally fall hasn't always been my favorite, but I am always ready by the time the season changes for whatever is coming next. But this year I am looking forward to fall...I think I am getting old and just think summer is too hot..haha!

Plus, this week has been a great lead-in to fall because the weather has been perfect! Jason and I even managed a picnic lunch, in the country, beside a pond today, which was again perfect (I know I probably have no readers left thanks to my sappiness :D)!!!

Here are some of my favorite things about fall...

Cooler weather, but still nice enough to be outside
Fall foods (soups, stews, chili, cider, hot chocolate, etc.)
Hiking
Early evening runs
The colors
The smell of campfires and leaves burning
Long sleeved tees and jeans
I can still wear flip flops :D
Season premieres of some of my favorite television shows
Football
Cuddling up on the couch with a blanket
Being able to open the windows at home and work
Thanksgiving
Outdoor festivals
(This year: my wedding and every year after it will be my anniversary YAY!!)

And so much more...

How Jason & I Got To Where We Are Now

I look back at September 1st of last year and am amazed at where my life is today. If someone had told me last yeat that I would be getting married before the end of this year I would have literally laughed at them. I had no desire or intention of doing such a thing. If anyone had said I would be marrying Jason I probably would have been on the floor laughing. See this time last year I pretty much couldn't stand him (I can totally blog this right now because he currently doesn't have internet :D). We had tried the dating thing about a year before and it definitely did not end well, at least for me. We did keep in touch over IM and MySpace (where we actually met, which in my mind doomed any possibility of a relationship anyway) on a very random basis, but there was no attraction or desire to date. When he texted me to ask me out over New Year's weekend while I was in Georgia I didn't even recognize his number because I hadn't bothered to transfer him to my new phone. This is how sure I was we wouldn't be talking via phone at least.

There is a story I will not share behind why I agreed to meet him, but suffice it to say I had decided I was not going to go alone to make sure all involved knew it was a casual "date". This was due to the fact I didn't really like him and I was planning to move within a couple months anyway so I was definitely not looking for a relationship. We finally agreed to meet for drinks that Thursday. Not sure why, but I didn't mention to him I was planning to bring a friend either, which is unlike me. I ended up having to cancel because I got sick (like I ALWAYS do when I go to Georgia). I could tell he was disappointed and probably thought I was flaking on him, but he was so sweet offering to bring me anything I needed (which I didn't take him up on, because I do have some pride and was not letting him see me looking the way I did, not to mention my house looking the way it did).

To prove I was not flaking or faking (haha) I willingly rescheduled for Saturday night and ended up making it a date, one that did not include my friend afterall, because he had been so sweet while I was sick. I still swore to everyone that it was just a friend thing and nothing more, although I did spend forever primping to look good for him, just to open the door and find out he was not trying quite as hard :D. Surprisingly, this didn't really disappoint me because I knew it meant we were truly just going out as friends. The date (in my mind was a flop, at least in the beginning) with me even texting my stepbrother during the date that it was not going to amount to anything, and I remembered how much I didn't like him (oops, not nice...so glad he can't read this yet, haha...just kidding, he knows this too). Somehow though I managed to trust him enough to confide some of my deepest secrets, which surprised me since I don't trust people too often. But at the end of the date I didn't really intend to pursue it any further.

For some reason we ended up talking on the phone the next day (I think), despite my being sure there was no lasting connection. We talked that night and every night thereafter for hours on the phone. I slowly came to the realization that we had more in common than I originally thought and we made another date. As a matter of fact, after the long phone conversations I asked him to come Wednesday, although we were supposed to get together on Thursday (he was going to cook for me), because I couldn't wait to see him. From that point on everything moved at warp speed. Within two weeks we both knew we were in love with eachother and within a month we knew we wanted to get married. We have pretty much been inseparable eversince that first 2 weeks, except for my back-to-back trips out of town.

I still can't believe how things have worked out, and the fact that I couldn't be happier about it. I love him so much now and can't imagine my life without him now!! He is such an incredible person, and I am often still amazed how much fun we have together. He is everything I wanted and needed in my life! I was okay on my own, but now, with him in my life, the best way to describe how I feel is blissful!!!!!

We never really officially became engaged until after we set the wedding date, because we simply knew we were getting married, we just didn't know the when and how. We threw around a ton of ideas (elopement, big wedding, small wedding, destination wedding, "justice of the peace" ceremony and weekend trip away), but when it came time to make a decision the small wedding at my mom's house seemed perfect! And in just over a month we will be married :)

I am so excited, in love and ready to be Mrs. Moore, and I look forward to continuing the love story we are creating for the rest of our lives...

It's True: There's Always Someone Going Through Something Worse Than You Are

In the midst of all my excitement over the wedding and the very positive progression of the wedding plans, I got smacked upside the head with a difficult work situation yesterday. And of course being the calm, rational person I am (haha) I turned it into an end of the world situation. Truth be told my work situation is beyond bad right now, but at least I have a job and a paycheck (granted, fear of not having either or both of those things after Friday was the issue yesterday).

But today, as things gradually worked themselves out and I once again turned into the calm, sometimes sane person I like to think I am (stop laughing), I realized that besides being incredibly blessed, life simply is not that bad for me. Sure losing a job would suck, especially if it was not due to any fault of my own, but there are much worse things out there.

And then I ran across this blog...http://www.fatcyclist.com . This man just, as in less than 10 days ago, lost his wife of 21 years after a very long battle with cancer. He is left to raise his four children on his own. He is sad, but not beaten. The story made me cry, eventhough I obviously do not know the man, his family or his wife.

And then I remembered what Jason was trying to get me to focus on last night. Life is full of trials, but together we will get through. I am so blessed to have him and to know that when I leave work today he will be waiting for me with open arms and a smile that makes my heart melt, and that would be the same if I did or didn't have a job. I love that he promised to take care of me, something I am so used to doing by myself, and truth be told I'm still adjusting to the fact that there is someone that wants to do that for me. I also am equally blessed by the fact that I have an amazing circle of family and friends to help me through whatever life may throw my way.

I have to admit I am more than blessed. I know that I have the strength to overcome difficult situations and dark times, because I have done just that. I know more will come. What I now am going to strive for is, no matter the situation, I will keep perspective. It's okay to be broken at times, but not defeated. It's normal to have a minor "freak out" over a situation, but it's time for me to stop predicting the "end of the world as I know it" with each minor inconvenience. I need to balance not only my time, but my emotions. And mostly to always remember that it truly could be worse, and thankfully right now it isn't.

I AM GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!!

On October 3, 2009 I will become Mrs. Brandy L. Moore in a very small intimate wedding at my mom's house! I couldn't be more excited!!! J is my world and I love him so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another extremely exciting piece of news is that I am going to be an aunt!!!!!! My sister and her husband are pregnant and due on March 29th. This is such a miracle and a blessing!!!!

It's going to be a fantastic few months!!!!!!!!!!

Time for a Change

A month ago, with me doing much kicking and screaming, my coworker quit! This was sad because I hated her leaving, but I thought I could handle it. I now realize I absolutely can't!!!!! This job is too much for one person. And since my boss refuses to hire someone in her place, or heck even just a receptionist would make me happy, I have been doing the job of two people for a month. Poor J and many others have heard the anger, frustration and tears over the phones and over texts throughout the last month. Now I am actually getting physically ill! I can't eat or I either actually get physcially sick or extremely nauseous, I am exhausted, unhappy and know my blood pressure is through the roof!

I know now it's time for a change. I have no choice but to find a new job. So I am giving myself one month (to Sept. 1) to find a job. If I don't find one by then I am putting my 2 weeks notice in anyway and taking my chances. I simply can't do it anymore. I actually think this job could kill me, or at least have me placed in one of those lovely upper level rooms at VBH! It normally takes me getting desperate to make a change, so lets see what happens now....

Sad, Frustration and Bliss All In One - Watch Out Oprah!

I have so much to say, but can't seem to put it into words.

My heart is breaking for my stepdad, my mom, stepbrothers and the family due to the death of my stepdad's father. It was a tough past week and weekend for all!

I also have sent out texts this morning to the effect that "this job is sucking the life right out of me". My explanation is simple...I need a job that makes me feel like I am making a difference and not just making money. This is why I went to college to get a degree in sociology, so I could do social work, or something that made me feel useful and I could have interaction with people. Without my coworker here anymore I am simply lonely, stressed and overworked on a daily basis (while I am here). But, until I can find that job (since the job market is still in the toilet) I plan on making the best of a pretty bad work situation and focus on other areas of my life such as volunteering, training for a race so I can get in shape and working on finding a volunteer vacation to Africa I can hopefully go on within the next year.

I also am quite overwhelmed by how in love I am with J. For the past few days through everything he has been my rock. I told him yesterday on the way home that I didn't realize how lonely I was until I had him in my life, because now I feel so complete and fulfilled. Simply put, I am beyond blessed. We have also been going to church on a weekly basis. This is kind of new for both of us, but is something we are both enjoying immensely.



I love this pic of us! We were out with my sis, her husband, and some wonderful friends!

I started this blog with I can't seem to put what I have to say into words, but obviously I found a way to put it into words, so guess that wasn't quite true...haha!!!

What We Are Up To Now

I had no idea until I just looked at my blog that I have not posted in 2 weeks, and to make things worse my last post left much to be desired. Obviously I am much better now! I told J the other day that I think anticipating change, especially change I am not looking forward to, is much worse for me than the actual change itself.

Work has not been that bad. I got a raise and am learning that I am perfectly capable to work here alone. I do not intend on staying very long, but for now it is a job and in this economy that is something to be very thankful for. I do miss Kay though.

Life has been hectic, but great. Here are a couple highlights...

We have found the best drive-in movie theater about 45 minutes away. We've been twice and love it. It's perfect, because I am not a big movie person since I get bored easily, so being outside I can get up, walk around, etc. J loves it because, well mostly because I don't complain I am sure, but he says it's because it combines one of my favorite things (the outdoors) with one of his (movies). Pretty much a match made in heaven, just like us (okay, sorry guys, it had to be said though).

We saw an amazing fireworks display the weekend before the 4th. They were spectacular! I also got to meet some of J's friends that I hadn't met yet. Then we went to Smith Mt. Lake on the 4th. I figured it would be way too crowded, but it wasn't bad and we had perfect weather. Of course, despite me making sure everyone used SPF 50 we all burned...oops!

There are many other things in between, but of course there isn't time to write them all down, so until I write again, have a great week (or month) :D

Sometimes Life Just Sucks (Part Two)

Ahhh....I am feeling somewhat better following a milkshake, chili dog and onion rings...yep, food is definitely my vice (chocolate, especially). And I just made plans with a friend I have not seen in forever, to laze around a pool and then go to dinner this evening, so things are looking a little brighter.

I had such a good weekend that I should not be in such a funk today, but my co-worker is quitting (her last day is June 30th), my head has hurt for two days, I am literally hating my job right now, I applied for and had two interviews for a job I apparently did not get (nothing like rejection - even in it's weakest form - to start the week out right), and various little things that have plucked my everloving last nerve have happened the last 24 hours or so, causing my generally happy mentality to disappear and replace it with this monster that is me today.

Hmmm...I was going to write about my wonderful weekend, but apparently I felt the need to complain some more :(

Sorry guys! Better mood tomorrow I hope!

****Just in case you read this today my favorite (and only, but even if she wasn't she would still be my fave) sister, I love you lots! Happy 30th Birthday!!!!!

Sometimes Life Just Sucks!

I am trying so hard to look at the brightside. To not cry. To remember that I truly can do whatever I set my mind to. To recognize that it is just a job, not my entire life. To remember I am not stuck here forever. To accept that this is what is best for someone I care about deeply. To suck it up. But for right now, all I can think is that this really sucks!!!!!!!!!

Happily Plugging Along

I can't believe it has been 14 days since I blogged. I haven't journaled, have only read one book, haven't cooked any new recipes, haven't finished thank you cards from my graduation a month ago, haven't started my scrapbook I've been dying to do, only work out about once a week and all I can think is where the heck has the time gone!!!!

Truthfully though I have been quite busy just doing the day to day living thing.

Work has been CRAZY, so I have had very little time to blog. I actually got an application/resume for a job out, went to a first and second round interview and am just waiting to hear if I got the job. If I didn't the job search continues next week! Without going in to too much detail, it has become absolutely imperative that I find a new job ASAP!

Life has been good though. J and I are very happy and excited about wherever life is taking us, and we can't wait to see what the future holds for us in our careers, relationship and so many areas. I am so happy and most days would love to shout from the mountaintop for all to hear how much I love him :)

So that's the update, which is really not an update, because I have no idea what I have done the last 15 days that have made it impossible for me to write!

I should have fun stories in the pending days and weeks though, because J and I are going to start doing some of the things we've been dying to do for date nights, such as plays, symphonies, and different things that Lynchburg has to offer that we either didn't know about, or have never taken the time to explore.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

TGIF

After a fairly rough week...and when I say rough J would say it was quite possibly the most horrendous, impossible, unhappy few days of his life, or at least his life with me so far....I am so incredibly happy to see the weekend get here!!!!!

It should be fun! Tonight I get to spend some time with some of my favorite kids, and visit with good friends. Tomorrow I am going with J and his daughter to a car show in Roanoke (yep, another car show friends...I can be a good girlfriend when I want to, and I do totally owe him after the last two days)! Sunday is unplanned as of yet, and then I am once again blessed with (thanks to vacation time) a three-day weekend, so Monday I will sleep in, and go to my friend's daughter's school picnic/hike.

Fun times abound...and hopefully my mood will take a turn for the better as the weekend progresses :)

Weekly Cooking Venture #1

In my quest to become a little more "domesticated" I have set a goal to cook, make, or create one "new" recipe a week.

This week's recipe, one I pulled off the internet (although I can't find where now to reference it), was a lemonade pie! J loved it and ate two large pieces last night :) And it wasn't pity eating (where they eat it just because you make it and don't want to hurt your feelings) either :D It was incredibly refreshing which is perfect in 90 degree temps.

Of course my favorite part of the entire process (other than the eating part of course) is that it was so simple...all it calls for is lemonade concentrate, vanilla ice cream and a pie crust. I'm liking the 3 ingredient recipes with no baking, frying, cooking, etc. Granted I know it's not technically cooking, but that's not important at the moment (haha!). Some extra crushed graham crackers for the top would be an excellent addition as well.

I did manage to make it out walking last night, so I don't feel too bad for it. Plus we provided MC with dinner, so I'm thinking that doing a good deed outweighs all the "bad" calories anyway, right?!?

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On an unrelated note, I am hoping to post pics from our Ocean City trip as soon as I get them via email....

Ocean City, Maryland

We had the best time in Ocean City. I loved the boardwalk! It was an old style wooden boardwalk with the whole carnival feel and all. There was even a Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museum that I fortunately got out of going to (hey, I spent two days looking at cars, no judging!) The whole experience of the boardwalk was like something out of a movie (rewind to the movie "Beaches" and you'll get the pic)! I loved it!

And in reality the car show wasn't bad at all. I am actually getting quite an education on cars. There were some beautiful, expensive and fast VW's and Audi's. It amazes me how much time and energy people spend on cars still, but it's their hobby and/or their job and what they enjoy. And I am gaining a new respect for that.

The whole trip was amazing, special, memorable and blessed, but one of my favorite memories from the trip was Sunday night when we sat on a rock jetty and watched a school of dolphins making their trek south down the shoreline. I have never seen them up so close. I loved the time down on the beach that we had!!!!

We also drove back across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel. It is 17.5 miles long and an engineering marvel! It also has gorgeous views!

All in all it was one of the most amazing weekends ever!

Country Living At It's Best!!

I rarely post stories that don't involve me, or that could be humorous at someone elses expense...but since I did ask permission I am totally blogging this one :)

I will preface with this...my mom is not a country girl. She once lived in (and thoroughly enjoyed living in) Los Angeles. She has never really lived in the country until the last couple years. So last night when she looks out on her front porch and sees a 4 ft. black, (thankfully non-poisonous) snake she freaked out just a little bit (and when I say a little I mean I am pretty sure that hysterics ensued)! She calls my stepdad who is at work 35 mins away and can't leave work, crying and probably screaming a little. When she can't get him she then proceeds to call 911, for a snake on the porch (Mind you, I am not making fun because I totally would have done the same thing). The dispatcher out of the kindness of her heart (and it is a small county without a lot happening) sends out a deputy (probably due to fear that mom might have a heart attack) who happens to be just as afraid of snakes as mom is...(I'm laughing hysterically just writing this). So he comes and is standing at the foot of the porch, while mom is in the house, both of them too afraid to come on the porch (and just in case you've never seen my mom's house the porch runs across and around the house, so we're talking a 4 ft. snake ruling a 50 ft porch). Finally a friend of a friend of a friend (who happens to be a neighbor) comes and tries to help, only succeeding in making the snake mad, at which point it slithers under the porch steps. This, of course, is not the end of the story because with that thing sneaking around the house mom will never walk out the door, so thankfully (and probably due to his own fear of the snake) the deputy finally gets his shotgun and shot it's head off.

Needless to say mom is ready to move back to the city, and I totally agree :)

P.S. Some of my snake, mice, rat and insect stories will follow so that everyone will know that in no way am I making fun of my mom, because I am more scared of creepy, crawly, slithery things then she is!

He had no idea....

on Friday night, as we played cards that tears welled up in my eyes as I watched him shuffle the cards, simply because I was realizing how blessed I am to have him in my life.

He had no idea....

that on Saturday as we went to the Farmer's Market together, had breakfast at a cute little coffee shop, walked through the antique stores, as he showed me several historical and "new" places I had never seen despite my twice weekly walks dowtown, and drove down a quiet country road all I could think of was how he made me feel happier than I have ever been.

He had no idea....

that on Sunday as we spent the waning hours of daylight walking on the local "nature" trail with his daughter that it felt like family.

He had no idea....

that on Monday, when we were "scavaging" through the fridge and pantry looking for food because we didn't want to go out and get any food, I realized he is undeniably perfect for me :)

The Mish Mash of My Life

What you've missed...

I finally graduated. I actually finished and got my diploma months ago, but Saturday I finally heard my name called and walked across the stage to the cheers of many of my friends and family. It was one of the most surreal and proud moments of my life.

I just registered for a 5K race in June to get myself running again.

I have been too chicken to apply for new jobs. I am getting past this because my current job is not going so well at the moment.

J and I have been working on some fun summer plans. Two of these involve car shows, although one of them is at the beach...hmmm...nothing like sacrificing for your man :D

I finally ordered my bridesmaid dress for my brother's wedding in August! It will get here 5 days before the wedding! I was going to order it a size down from my current size and then lose whatever weight that I needed too, but I decided at the last minute to not do that, so now I get to eat whatever I want all summer, so I can maintain my current hefty weight so no alterations need to be done (you know, since I will literally only have 5 days to get any necessary alterations done). This ability to actually eat all summer, of course, makes me very happy, and has cut down my stress immensely!

I saw the movie "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" this past weekend...it is actually pretty good and I highly recommend it.

I am learning new things about me everyday, many of which I don't like. I am trying to change them, but its not that easy! I am also trying to break my bad habit of too much facebook/email and talking bad about myself. Yep, not doing so hot on those either...but a girl can dream.

I am distraught that all of my favorite shows (none of which I watch religiously, but managed to watch the last 2 episodes or so, enough to get hooked back on them)have had their season finale. And seriously, if both Izzie and George die on Greys I will never watch again. But at least it means we will get out and do more now that we don't have to be home in time to watch House at 8:00 every Monday night :)

Tonight is my last night of volunteering for the spring season. I always miss this when it is over. I will especially miss my Katie girl! I am hoping to spend some time with her this summer though. And we do have the potluck/cookout next Wednesday which I am looking forward to!

And last, but not least...

4 years ago today I watched my sister get married! I am so proud of her and her husband. They have accomplished so much in the 4 years, and most importantly they are more in love than ever. I admire them so much!!!! Happy Anniversay, Love you guys!

"Just Another Manic Monday"

I am not sure who sings that song, or I would totally give her credit, or rather whoever wrote the song credit, but that is what today has been like.

I had one of those weekends that you wish you could rewind, start over and completely redo with an entirely different end result. Needless to say, it was not a good one! And now it is raining and cold, which of course doesn't help to improve my sour mood...add to that overly tired, headachy and having a really crappy day at work, and I feel like it's been "just another manic Monday".

It Was The Perfect Weekend

My weekend included so many of the things I love: the outdoors, festivals, strawberries, chocolate, outdoor concerts, local restaurants, people watching, art, museums, sunshine, walking, "long" drives, quiet evenings at home, the randomness of J using the term "the mechanization of humans" and his ability to always surprise me, taking pics, love songs, hand holding, hugs and kisses, and of course, most of all being with J!

It really was the perfect weekend and made me realize how very blessed and loved I am!

Floating

I feel like I am floating today for two reasons:

First, J and I survived what I deem our first major (as he terms it) "hiccup" in our relationship! One of the biggest problems is mine alone, which is I am most definitely a pessimist. At least until I have fully processed a situation and delved into the dark abyss of negativity, then I suddenly, almost out of nowhere, become an optimist again. It depends on the severity of a situation on how long it takes me to break free of the negativity and become magically optimistic about the situation. This "hiccup" took me a few days to process, but it is all good now. I fully believe that the sign of a truly wonderful relationship is if the couple can come out the other side of problems, either between themselves or that come at them from outside forces, stronger for it. We did! I am back to blissfully happy, with the deeper knowledge that we are perfectly capable of withstanding things that life throws us!! Ahhhh...I love that feeling of complete peace that comes after a storm!

The second reason is....

I have literally consumed almost 100 ozs of fluid the last 2 days, 64 or more ozs being water! I am quite proud of this, although my boss is probably not as happy since the majority of my day has been spent in the bathroom :)

Better Than Okay

I just read a line in a blog that I loved: "I'm okay alone. I'm better off with..."

That line resonates deep within me. I was fine being single, even better than fine. I lived a happy, fulfilled life. I know I could do it again if I ever had to.

But the truth is I am better off with J. His very presence in my life has made it brighter, more complete. He inspires and amazes me on a daily basis. He has broadened my horizons. He makes me smile. He always has the exact words to say to make things better. There is very little that a hug and an "I love you" from him can't fix. We have been together a relatively short time, yet it feels like I have known him forever.

Simply put, with J in my life I am better than okay :)

The Whirlwind of My Life

I want so much to write about everything going on in life, but truthfully so much is going on all at once that there is not enough time, nor do I have the energy for it.

Briefly this is what has gone on the past several days: filing taxes (finally), ordering graduation attire and announcements (finally), Easter, church, my Birthday, dying Easter eggs, lunches out with friends, spending time with J and his daughter, actually jogging yesterday, movies, dinner out, shopping, cleaning, cooking, visiting my stepbrothers...etc.

Interestingly enough it's nothing extraordinary, but all a part of my fantastic life. I am happy. I feel safe and secure. I feel alive. Life is flying by and I am trying to live in each and every moment...now if I could just find the time to record those moments!

Me Being Frustrated At Me!

So if you have read my blog or know me at all, you know I have NEVER been good at balance. Neither am I a very motivated individual, and I am the biggest procrastinator. This is all a huge problem, because what happens is that after awhile of me being lazy and putting off everything that needs to be done, I open my eyes and realize that my world is virtually falling down around me (this happens about 4 times a year, and is not a new occurrence - same old story, just different excuses).

This is where I am at today. I love so much about my life right now and feel so blessed with amazing friends and family, but at the same time I feel like I am failing at everything in my life. Of course this isn't entirely true, because things are great with J and I, but most everything else seems to be falling apart (and this is the problem...not that we're doing good, because I love him a lot and am so blessed to have him, but generally I can only seem to manage to focus on one part of my life at a time, which is crazy).

My house is a wreck, I am gaining a ton of weight and never seem to eat healthy or exercise anymore, I have been a horrible friend, sister and daughter over the past few months (simply by being so wrapped up in my life), I haven't done anything (except that one application) on the job front, my finances are in a shambles, my taxes are not done despite the looming deadline, I have not studied for the GRE at all despite having the book, I haven't kept up with anything really, and despite my daily, weekly, monthly and lifetime goal "to do lists" (meaning I have written goals and plans)I have done nothing to actually accomplish anything.

Basically I feel like I am drowning (of course that could be because it never stops raining here lately) and I don't know where to begin to fix any of it. But I also do know that now that I've "opened my eyes" I will hopefully start fixing it all. The hard part is when you've hurt people (like my family) by being absent and wrapped up in myself it's a little harder to fix. But the good thing about that too is that family almost always loves you unconditionally so they will eventually forgive me :)

Hopefully today will be the day I start fixing these "problems" so that I can go back to being the happy and productive person I normally am (ok, truthfully I am rarely a productive member of society, but I am generally happy).

Ugh...I think I kind of miss the structure of a school schedule, deadlines, etc., because that kept me a little more focused. But mostly I just need to learn to make time and balance out all the areas of my life, which in itself will take time to learn I'm sure.

P.S.: As I'm writing this my friend, B., is already preplanning a dinner before her son's play for anyone coming to the play which is not until May 14th...now I really feel like a slacker!!!

Family Stuff

Hands down the worst year of my life, and for most in my immediate family was 2005(although some good did happen that year like my sister getting married to the love of her life). During that year, we lost several people in our family and and on a personal level I went through a devastating personal crisis, virtually by myself. It took years to recover from the tragicness (not sure if that's a word) of that year, and we all remain scarred and bruised from the losses, although we have been blessed in the years that followed. I think we had all finally felt like we could breathe again, and not worry that it was bad news everytime the phone rang.

Now it seems we are getting ready to enter another difficult period, with many different and difficult situations going on in my family. None of them are something I can, or would, discuss online, but suffice it to say, it is not going to be an easy road for my family! After several heartbroken phone calls from different ones in my family over the past couple weeks I feel like once again I jump everytime the phone rings until I know it's not bad news. It's so hard too, because many of the situations don't affect me directly, yet my heart breaks for the ones it does affect on a deeper more personal level. And I am a "fixer", always wanting to find a way to "fix" the situation, even when there is nothing I can do...I just hate to feel helpless in situations affecting my loved ones.

But experience has taught us that time, prayer, and love of family and friends can bring us together, make us stronger and help us get through anything!

Wonder If I Should Get On Twitter Next?

I would love to give you a "real" blog today, but Facebook is just too much fun and is distracting me from deep thoughts (oops, what I meant to say is that I am working way too hard and don't have the time), so all you get for now are some of my favorite facebook statuses from today...

1. "...ack! why is the President yapping away and making me miss my SOAPS?? And how long is he going to ramble on? doesn't he know he shouldn't mess w/ women and their SOAPS?" (This is so funny, because I was thinking the same thing. Now don't get me wrong I know soaps are bad, but one hour a day about 2-3 days a week my coworker and I watch All My Children for stress relief or whatever and it is never a good thing when this gets interrupted!)

2. "...Has a pocket full of rubbers. He wonders if his homeboys do too." (I'm sorry, but this just made me laugh...I know, I know, it's not in good taste...but it's really out there on Facebook today, by one of my good friends...hmmm, maybe it's time for some new friends:P)

3. "...is going to stop drinking water...I have two friends who are in the last few months of being pregnant, 6 friends who recently announced they were pregnant and 2 who are "trying". I am staying as far away from that as I can." (This has actually sparked some fun private messaging between my dear friend and I).

4. "...enjoys that fact that facebook promotes talking about oneself in the third person." (So true, we all seem to do it now)

5. "...wishes I could buy a new pair of shoes everyday. Too poor though! :-(" (I can totally sympathize with this post).

Okay folks, that's all for today, as I am supposed to be on best behavior because the boss is on a rampage and I need to keep access to the internet...I mean need to keep my job for awhile :)

The Contents of My Life

I just read a blog that stated that what was in a woman's purse, cabinets and bedside table reveal who she is. This made me start thinking about what I have in these places.

My purse: Right now it is a jumbled mess in which I can barely find anything and have almost everything! There is no organization at all.

My cabinets: (Kitchen) I actually don't use the cabinets because they are nasty, but my pantry is once again a mess. There are a few spices, condiments, 1 pkg of hot chocolate, popcorn, dishes, appliances, a vacuum, etc. What is not in my kitchen pantry is the makings for even one complete meal. There is also no rhyme or reason to it...unfortunately, this applies to my bathroom cabinets, my drawers, etc.

My bedside table: Actually on the surface this is pretty clean (minus the inch of dust that currently resides there). There is a water bottle, a book, my "sisters" Willow Tree Angel, a lamp and my phone when I am home. But there is a drawer and that is essentially a junk drawer full of, well, a little bit of everything.

When I think about this I realize that my work desk (drawer, not top) is completely disorganized, my car may as well be a trash pit because there is literally only room for me, and so on...Every area of my life is basically the same way. I have no organization in my life, despite the fact I constantly strive for this. It explains why I rarely get the things I need/want to accomplish completed. I am someone who dreams of being an "all-together" person, who envies the women that are, yet I can never seem to be this person.

And this is basically the portrait of who I am (you know, the real me)...at first glance I may seem to be doing okay, but once you really get to know me you realize there is a woman seeking, scared, completely unsure and disorganized - in a nutshell I'm a mess!

So I've decided that I want, actually I need, to start cleaning house, both literally and figuratively. I want to be able to live life fully and completely. I want to find peace and solace. I want to not feel so disorganized and out of control of my own life.

But I also don't want to become too picky, too anal, too much of anything. I like that I don't have to always be in control, because lets be honest, in the real world there is no way we can always be in control. I like that I don't sacrifice time with people I love to clean my pantry, or grocery shop for that matter :D

And this reveals the most basic of my life goals...to find balance so that I can be successful without risking my own happiness...hmmm...that should be easy enough, right?

Keeping My Mouth Shut

Normally....

when something is wrong, I tell the world about it

when I make big decisions, I tell everyone before I am entirely sure what my final choice is

when I get my feelings hurt, I call ALL of my nearest and dearest to tell them how the world has wronged me (or a specific person, whichever)

I vent, I rant, I seek attention

But lately....

I've been more quiet with my feelings

I process internally before sharing

I deal with things fully by myself and then if necessary (which I'm finding it rarely is) I get other's advice, or input

I am trying not to complain as often

I am learning to keep my mouth shut once in awhile, because this seems to be the wiser choice.

The effect of this "new" me (although I'm not sure how it happened, because I wasn't trying to change this, because I happen to like running my mouth)...

is that it makes me feel more grown up, like maybe, just maybe I'm becoming an adult (just kidding...we know that will never happen)!

Mostly it makes me a happier person.

It makes me realize that I am a strong person.

It leaves me with fewer regrets in the end.

I think I like the new/improved version of me a little better!

Sad, But True...

there is very little in my life that chocolate chip cookies and hot chocolate can't fix! I totally credit my mom for this, because she always fixed that combo to celebrate something (like the first day of school) or when we were feeling down. Cinnamon toast and hot chocolate works the same way and for the same reason :)

So thanks to the cookies and hot chocolate I am feeling much better - haha! (I know it's really the sugar rush that does this, but hey, I'll take what I can get...plus I'm sure it has a lot to do with the warm memories too)!

Brandy is...

Having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day!

Why may you ask? A multitude of reasons that have pretty much existed all week, since all week has felt bad (despite some pretty amazing, cool parts that I will hopefully write about soon)...

The forecast lied last week. It is only 39 degrees and not going to get anywhere near 50 today! This does not make me happy!

I am in an all around grumpy non-social mood today. Which of course doesn't bode well for my evening plans, or for my job retention for that matter. Sadly enough I am so grouchy I don't even care.

People. Enough said!

Worry over anything and everything.

Not enough sleep.

Not enough chocolate.

But the optimist in me knows that at some point the sun will shine again, that I have so much to be thankful for, that I will catch up on sleep, that I will smile and laugh freely again, that I will see J in a few hours who will find a way to make all the bad from today disappear, and that I am blessed beyond measure in many ways!

Friday Highlights

*Spring is officially here! I just looked at the 10 day forecast and not one day has a forecasted high temperature of less than 50 degrees!

*There is a man mowing his yard in a pair of slacks, long sleeve white shirt and tie.

*This is my "single" weekend. Every other weekend J has his daughter and I don't see him (although this weekend the three of us are going to spend some time together). My "big" plans for my "single" weekend involve spring cleaning the house, going to the farmer's market in the morning, maybe taking my camera and getting some pics downtown and by the river, a solo morning run followed by chocolate chip pancakes, a basketball tournament with friends and finishing the book I started this week.

*My day started off ridiculously grouchy, but good weather, good food and good discussions with my loved ones have made me much more pleasant to be around :)

*I finally put in a job app the other day for a job in my degree field. I also have a good lead on another potential job. This means I was somewhat productive this week!

*I think I want to get a dog when I get a new place (which won't be until fall, but it's something I've been thinking about).

Well that's just a few short updates/tidbits to get you through the weekend :) Enjoy the first weekend of spring!!!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

The sun is finally shining (briefly, but it's supposed to breakthrough in full force by tomorrow)!!!!! It has been cloudy, overcast and rainy for way too long (something like 5 or 6 days-which in my opinion is way too long). And it's supposed to be in the 70's tomorrow, which means I get to wear a skirt and sandals to work :) Plus J and I already have plans for a picnic and walk in the park tomorrow night! Sunshine makes me VERY VERY HAPPY (which I'm sure you can all tell by the rather excessive amount of exclamation marks in this very short post)! Of course, a lot of other things make me happy as well!

Okay, I've sung praises, and now I offer up this prayer...please, please let spring actually be here!!!!

Spring Fever

I find myself being very "snippy" lately, top that with a dose of oversensitivity and a big wallop of whiny and it does not make for a very happy me, or very happy people around me! Once again there are either a million reasons for this, such as me being gone so much, the time change, no time or energy to workout, gaining what feels like 50 lbs, the economy (the world, as well as my personal economy),being sick AGAIN, etc., or no reason at all, it's just one of those things.

But the crazy thing is it doesn't seem to be just me. It seems like everyone is feeling this way. Which makes me feel better because I am all about justification ;)

What I've decided ultimately is that it is just a case of spring fever! Granted, we have had teasers of spring, but now it's time for spring to get here so that we can be more active, wear more skirts (well the girls of course...but this always puts me in a good mood for some reason), wear sandals, get a good dose of Vitamin D from the sun, get a LITTLE bit of a tan, go on picnics, hiking, camping, go to festivals, etc. It's just time to break out of this winter funk! I'm thinking March is probably my least favorite month of the year!

On a good note, J and I get to spend an entire weekend together, which makes me deliriously happy (and is time I will try very, very hard not to be snippy or anything else like that)!!!! We are hoping to go to a St. Pat's Day Celtic Festival. I'm also hoping to convince him to play cards or Yahtzee with me, see a movie and maybe get us to cook dinner together at some point! Oh the plethora of possibilities that an entire weekend at home lends me...aaahhh, I'm feeling better already :)

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

Becoming Domesticated

I am finally ready to settle down and settle in to my life. I am out of college, in a solid and secure relationship and now I'm ready for the next phase.

For me this mostly means not living like a college student. I finally feel graduated and ready be a "grown up". Granted I have been for awhile, but I'm ready to live like one. Mostly I just feel ready to settle down. I want to have a clean house, clean car, cook, bake, do crafts, entertain, etc. I want to join a book club. I want to learn to knit. I want to make jewelry. I want to have a house where anyone can drop in anytime. I want to create a home that is comfortable and aesthetically appealing for anyone that comes to visit. I want to be able to pull a meal together for guests within a moments notice. I want to start recycling again. I want to bake bread from scratch (or at least biscuits). My personal term for all of this is that I want to become "domesticated". I'm done with struggling and/or "flying by the seat of my pants". I'm not feeling restless or the need to push into new places, meet tons of new people, have a million new experiences a day anymore. Now I'm feeling relaxed, settled and ready to pursue this next phase of my life. Of course a lot of this is stuff I've been working on before now, just not doing well, so now I am going to focus on this a little more.

This in no way means I don't want to travel, find a new job, pursue my masters, etc., it just means I want to have it all. And believe it or not, I know many women who do "have it all" so I refuse to think it is completely out of my reach :)

Home Sweet Home

I am glad to be home for awhile!!!! I never thought I would feel that way, because I do love to travel, but being the creature of habit we all know I am, life has been way too chaotic for my sanity or that of those around me.

Case in point: Vacations are supposed to relax me, and while I am gone I am generally quite relaxed. Unfortunately as soon as I get home that relaxation mode disappears and I become a little crazed over what has not been done, how quickly I can get back into my routine, etc. It makes me a little crabby to say the least. It also makes absolutely no sense. I'm thinking I need to test a week in the Carribbean or Hawaii to see if it has the same effect...I'm thinking it will not and I will return blissfully happy :)

Being single for a few years I did not realize that I would carry that craziness over into my relationship. Apparently I tend to decide that since I left he can't possibly still want to be with me, love me or think that I am the most incredible woman on earth (you know he does...maybe, it's possible), no matter what he says to me. This of course is completely irrational (I know me being irrational is a foreign concept, but just go with me on this) but it takes me a few days to finally relax and recognize that yes, everything is okay with us and with the world around me!

All of that being said, it is time for me to have some time at home for awhile I think!

I did have a great time visiting with my family though and remembered how much I LOVE Atlanta!!!! I can't wait to go back and visit...well you know in a few months, and maybe I will take J with me next time, so that at least one area of craziness will be avoided :)

On the Road Again

I have absolutely no pics to post from PA! I ended up getting the worst migraine ever on Sunday and missing out on all the family fun :( I had a lot of fun visiting over fresh brewed coffee, and sharing lots of laughs, once I rejoined the land of the living though. I also got to go to the Chocolate Factory, which for those of you that know me could be one of the highlights of my life since I am a known chocaholic!!! We did get to see snow although I was very disappointed to miss out on the biggest snowstorm Lynchburg has had in years!!! I go North and the South gets a snowstorm...seriously, what is going on here?

So tomorrow it is off to Georgia with my mom and stepdad! The weather is supposed to be gorgeous, and I am packing summer clothes (yep, I'm probably jinxing it by doing this, but I am so ready for spring and summer)!! I will TRY to actually take some pics and recount any fun anecdotes upon my return!

So much to tell, No time to tell it!

Life is moving at warp speed so there is literally no time to write eventhough as usual I have way too much I want to write about! Work is crazy busy (yay, for me having a job in this economy), I fall more in love everyday (yay for me again!), travelling is a blast and I love all the people I am getting to spend time with (that being said, I am ready for a couple weekends at home after Georgia this weekend), there is no progress on the school and job front (but there will be in the next few weeks, I am making myself and everyone else that promise), and again life is simply good. I love being happy (yep, I'm a dork)!

I do have stories to share, so let's hope I have some time to regale you with my latest stories and adventures before I forget them :)

Friday Randomness

"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's me." - Anonymous

So this is a spin on the Serenity Prayer, but it really hit home for me, so I thought I would share.

I am off to Pennsylvania this weekend with MC to get my (I mean her) baby! It is supposed to snow, so I am really, really hoping we make it back Monday night as planned. If we do I will try to have pics and fun stories to post on Tuesday!

I am really sad I am missing getting to see my sister this weekend though :(

I am also really, really going to miss J this weekend (ugh...I am such a girl...seriously people did you ever think you'd see the day?!?) We are going out tonight which makes me extremely happy!!!!!

Yep, today's one of those days that I go through a million different thoughts and emotions in an hour (or every 5 mins)...from happy and excited, to sad and stressed (luckily I am on the happy and excited side more often than the other)!

I am really glad I was able to get my iced mocha this morning!!!! This may be the only reason I am staying halfway sane today :)

Okay, I am going to get to work now (or play on Facebook and read blogs some more)!

Have a great weekend!

You Actually Get Pics With This Post

Instead of going home and doing all the stuff I said I was going to do, I decided to pack a bag in ten minutes and head to WV with B and her family. It was a relaxing and fun weekend, and exactly what I needed. And I got to see SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

I also got to explore my redneck side....(this is me getting ready to go out on the 4-wheeler in 20 degree weather... obviously, it took some "special" sustenance and measures to keep me warm inside and out)

Just kidding that is not, repeat not! moonshine. It is in fact vegetable oil!!!!

This began the first of three weekend trips in a row. Next weekend I will be heading with MC to Hershey, PA (yay!) and the following weekend is a trip to Georgia with my mom and stepdad to visit family and see my niece, nephew and stepbrothers :) I love travelling! But I love coming home too :)

As soon as I got home yesterday (like 10 mins after I got home, which was enough time to unload my car, change and do my makeup) I met J and his daughter to see the movie "Marley and Me". It was incredibly sad, which I didn't like, but such a good movie! It is definitely a must see! It was also very nice to get home and see him, being that I missed him like crazy! (And that is all for the sappy, gushy part!)

Tonight I am going to (kind of co-hosting, except I haven't done a lot to help) a Home & Garden Party with a friend! It should be a lot of fun!

Okay, there's the quick synopsis! My house is still a mess, laundry not done and life unorganized, but things are good with me again :)

It's Not You, It's Me...

I actually hate this saying...because generally it means exactly the opposite. But when I get in moods like I was last night and am in today, it really isn't anyone's fault, problem or anything, it's just me! It kind of surprised me that I got in "one of my moods" considering how blissfully happy I've been for the last few weeks, but its just my nature. I think J was a little surprised because he didn't believe me when I said I can be a *itch at times! Haha...guess he'll listen to me next time :)

I have a bunch of plans to catch up with friends, clean house, get organized, start studying for the GRE, writing and such this weekend, but I foresee the biggest part of my weekend being spent curled up in my bed with a book, a steaming cup of hot cocoa on my bedside table, and my phone off! So if you try me and can't get me, I promise it's not you, it's me, and I will return shortly with my happy, optimistic outlook on life!

Facebook could get me fired...

Well my posts and subsequent comments might be the cause...

My Facebook Status today says this: "B is sleepy and my friends I talk to online and via text are all taking naps right now! Somehow this does not seem too fair :). (In other words, I spend all day texting/IM'ing multiple people that apparently have time to nap in the middle of the day, therefore I am obviously not a productive worker at all).

And here are the comments from my friends:

D: yeah that does seem unfair.

D: let's take a nap too! ha ha

Me: Actually in my office there is a "napping couch" that I use when I get really, really desperate, but I can't do it today because the boss is in! (Needless to say my boss does not know that we have a "napping couch")

B: you get more naps on that couch than I do on mine...lol (This is actually probably a verifiable truthful statement)

Me: I get really, really desperate A LOT! Haha! (And apparently I think it's okay if everyone in the world knows that I am an unproductive member of society posing as someone who works really, really hard)

Gotta love my job, and my friends!

Alternating Lifestyle

This story caught my eye, shocked me and then made me laugh because I can hear J now: "I have enough trouble keeping one woman happy, there's no way I would attempt this"....

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/29239960/?GT1=43001

Post Valentine's Day Post

I am super busy today and should not be online at all with the piles of work I have sitting here, which is good since you will be spared the play by play of my weekend (stop cheering, I can hear you)!

Suffice it to say, it was another amazing weekend! Although I have never been a huge Valentine's Day person I was very happy to get to spend the day Saturday (and Sunday and Monday for that matter) with J! It was the perfect day for me, although as most of you can tell I am still in that blissfully happy state that makes everyday feel amazing with him...(you can totally gag now, because I would be if I was reading this instead of writing it)!!!!

Since I am trying to maintain some semblance of acting like an adult (despite the very high school sounding love fest I have going on lately) I better get back to work.

P.S. And if you are considering not reading my blog due to this "love fest" you should at least be grateful that there are still no hearts on here (of course, that's only because I can't figure out how to do it, but that's beside the point)!

Not that I am complaining, because...

being all in love and stuff has been great! There is just one small, tiny problem...well a little more than a tiny problem (which you would totally understand if you could see me in this dress today). The problem is that while J has managed to lose quite a bit of weight since we have started dating, I am gaining A LOT very quickly. Due to this minor crisis that could become one of epic proportions I have decided it is time to start buckling down and committing to my workout regimen, becoming more active in general, and watching my diet (it could really use an overhaul, since I seem to have forgotten what fruits, veggies, whole wheat and EVOO are, instead subsisting on fast food, pizza - hold the veggies, fatty pastas, mexican food, cheese and let's not forget copious amounts of CHOCOLATE)!

In pursuit of the lofty goal of at least stopping my very quick ascent to 200 lbs, and maybe actually losing at least the 6 lbs or so I have gained in the past few weeks I decided it's time to get off my ever-widening tail and start running and racing again!

My (and by "my" I mean our, because there is no way MC is getting out of doing this with me - I do not do self-inflicted pain and torture alone)first race is a 5 mile trail run on March 28, 2009!!!!! I am quite excited to get back to racing and eventually I will be excited to be running again (you know, when I actually start running again)!

I am going to try to sneak in a late night run tonight, and maybe (if the weather cooperates) get at least a walk in tomorrow with J so that I can get a little cardio! My goal will be to work out at least 5-7 days a week, up my strength training to at least 3 days a week and start running again! I am also going to work on my "diet overhaul" plan this weekend, but in reality I probably won't start that until after Valentines Weekend, oh, and speaking of Valentine's I hope everyone has a great one!

The Picture of Domesticity

I wanted to post a pic we took of me at my friend B's house, in an apron, icing a cupcake, but my email account is being screwy, so I can't import it quite yet! We started out making penjuins, but they ended up being chocolate covered icecream cone cupcakes!!!! It was too much fun (of course I came in after almost all the hard work was done, and left before the cleanup began)! She made 90+ cupcakes for all 3 of her kids Valentine's Day parties, in one day! If I ever actually get married and have kids I hope I can be half as good a mom and wife as she is :)

It's Official....

My Facebook profile now says that I am "in a relationship"! Because you know that until its posted on Facebook it isn't real...haha! But in reality, it did make it feel a little more real for me, so maybe there is something to that statement :)

Weekend Preview

Things I am looking forward to this weekend....

Hiking trip I am planning
Seeing some of my favorite kids and their parents tonight
Spending time with my girls (MC and baby)
Cleaning my very, very, very messy house
Going to church on Sunday
Reading a book
Organizing my life (a little bit)
Sleeping in
Pancakes for breakfast (because I can make some yummy cinnamon pancakes)
Watching Greys and Private Practice online
New episode of Brothers and Sisters
Maybe starting on my jewelry making
Cleaning my car

But most of all - 6:00 p.m. Sunday night!!!!!!

Bringing Out My Softer Side

In my opinion we are an unlikely match. At times I feel like we come from different worlds, and in all honesty we did. While I was introverted as a child, he was anything but (from the stories I have heard). While I was reserved and careful, he lived life on the edge. Our past stories are very different, our future plans are definitely undefined, but here are a few things that make him irresistible to me...

He sees things differently than I do, which is good. He makes me stop being so critical and cynical. He helps me realize that the world is not black and white, or all about me and my opinions. He reminds me to give other viewpoints and people a chance, or even a second chance if necessary. He brings out my softer side, the one I buried long ago, and I know that with him in my life I am a better person.

He also makes me laugh, holds me when I cry, puts up with my moods and whining, introduces me to new experiences, is willing to let me be my own person and keeps me smiling 98% of the time...

Quote for the Day

"To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts dead." - Bertrand Russel

Got to love a quote that gives you a good, swift kick in the butt!

UGH!!!!!!

It has been one hellacious afternoon at work, but thankfully my friend, B, has been on IM all day to help me through it :)

Part of our conversation:

Me: I am going to leave and get some chocolate...at least if I get fired i can get unemployment. Be back in a minute!

At which point I get in my car and call her to vent! Poor thing couldn't get a word in edgewise! In the meantime bought a KING SIZE Hershey's bar and a Diet Coke. Fly back to work because I am really not trying to get fired. Enter my boss, so I hang up and get back on IM.

Me: He came in fussing at me about something else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE IS CERTIFIABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Her: OMG

Me: I needed a few more minutes alone with my chocolate to be ready to deal with him!

Her: LOL

End conversation!

Now I am repeating one of my favorite sayings over and over: "Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far, far away from here".

Phew...only 2 hours to go, lets hope I survive it!!!!

I can't remember the last time....

- I felt so giddy, happy and ecstatic about life!
- That I gave up control and just lived in the moment so completely.
- That I felt everything so intensely, including the fear (but even that seems right).
- That I wasn't completely sold on my single life plan.
- That I believed that maybe, just maybe all of my dreams could and would come true!
- That I looked so forward to the weekend.
- That I smiled this much!
- That I have been so glad for second chances.
- That I counted the minutes until I got to see someone!
- That I felt butterflies :)
- That I actually looked forward to Valentine's Day!!!!

If things don't change soon, I will be posting love poems and doodling hearts on this blog!!!! Don't worry there's no way this cynical and jaded woman could ever get to that point, right?

I Could Have Been A Pioneer

As a child I don't remember being afraid of the dark. I actually remember loving power outages, because there was no television on, music or work that could be done. My mom, dad, brother, sister and I would all congregate in the living room and talk, tell stories or play games. There was always a vague sense of disappointment when the lights finally came back on, and life had to begin again. I remember wishing then that I lived in the pioneer days where every dinner and evening were spent by lantern light together in one room of the house, of course only if it could be just like it was on Little House on the Prairie (a show I was quite obsessed with).

I had forgotten those memories until last night, when I got home and my power was out. At first I was quite frustrated because it completely messed up my plans for the night. But instead, we improvised and it was a wonderful night. Instead of cooking in, we went out. Instead of watching tv or a movie, we sat in the candlelight and talked. It was so nice having someone there to remind me that what I see as a "crisis" or at least a bothersome inconvenience can actually be another great memory to add to the album of my life.

All of this was actually so lovely that I'm thinking it may be time to institute regular power outage nights :)

Oops!

You know you are a little too comfortable in your job when your coming in from taking a break that was not really authorized and ask your boss if he knows if social services is hiring! I mean we are in the middle of a recession and I need to keep this job as long as possible (at least until I find a new one), so I'm thinking letting my boss know that I am actively looking for another job is not the smartest move to make. Apparently it was that "special kind of stupid" rearing its head again! In my defense I have been posting my resume and job searching (aka stressing about it) all day and really, really didn't think it through!!!! But you should have seen the look on his face :D

My Day In A Nutshell

The storm was a bust :( I am at work, but I must say everything is sunshine and happiness in my world, so you will be hearing no complaints from me!

Despite all that sunshine and happiness, today I am working on my Powers of Attorney, Living Will and Will which is a little unsettling, but necessary!

Tonight I will brave the icy (sort of) roads to meet MC and workout, then go home and fix some yummy goodness for J and I for dinner (because I am becoming so domesticated...haha) and curl up on the couch to watch Biggest Loser and then Casino Royale...unless I can convince him to play Yahtzee with me!

Winter Storm Warning!

I hate winter, but I have to say that I am kind of hoping for the storm they are calling for tonight to lock me in my house for a couple days! In anticipation of this, although more than likely I will jinx it by doing this, I am going grocery shopping for winter weather food (chili, popcorn and hot chocolate) and to Blockbuster for some movies! I also have a ton of books that I am dying to get to read, long phone conversations to participate in, jewelry to make, brownies to bake, journaling to catch up on and other fun pursuits that I can't ever find enough time for. What makes this even better is that I cleaned house this weekend so I can actually enjoy the time I am "stuck" in the house!

Now excuse me while I do my winter weather chant/dance!!!!!

Just had to say....

I'm not out of sorts anymore!!!!

It turned out to be a beautiful day weatherwise, I took time to read and enjoy the sunshine and fresh air at lunch. During this time I realized I do not have to rush anything or feel rushed in any aspect of my life, instead I need to just take it one day at a time and quit trying to figure it all out all the time. It really is a lot more fun that way! I love when I finally remember that!

At least my spaz out spells or whatever they are, are shorter than they used to be :)

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!!!!

Out of Sorts

I am "out of sorts" today...which can translate to grouchy or *itchy depending on who you ask. There is not a good reason for this, I simply am! I hate when I get like this because I like to be in control of my feelings, emotions, actions, etc. and when I am like this I am not at all in control!!!! So it is likely I will cut my phone off for awhile today at lunch and just be alone with me, because generally that is all it takes for me to regain my sense of peace and composure.

And just as a quick update: It does not look like I will be moving to Georgia right now (which could be part of the reason I am out of sorts and may need to be reevaluated), I still haven't found a new job (thankfully, I still have the old one), I got my actual diploma and can't wait to frame it, my house is a wreck and I have been too busy to clean it or care too much because I have actually been dating (stories may or may not be forthcoming - I know I am a little bit of a tease), I have been working on simplifying my life and relationships by being more open and honest and making wiser choices - (mostly), and I have actually worked out more than once this week :)

The Little Things

So often we live our lives so focused on the "big" moments, the vacations, the promotion, the wedding, the graduations, and the big moves that we miss out on what really makes up life. Life is a conglomeration of all the moments, big and small, happy and sad. After months of focusing on the "big" moment of finishing school, I've suddenly been reminded that some of the best moments in life are the "little things". It's the smile from someone I care about, the late night phone call that lasts for hours, the laughter between best friends, saying "we" instead of "I", the ability to forgive and be forgiven, the dreams fulfilled and those dropped to pursue dreams that may be even more promising, the dinners I don't have to make, simply having someone there, "just because" hugs and those given to offer solace in sadness, the ability to make someone happy and to be happy living in the present, the drives to work when I can think and dream freely, greetings, goodbyes and everything in between, the tears of joy and sorrow and so much more. It is each and every one of these moments that makes life special and worth living.

(And yes I know this is sappy!!)

Too Much Fantasticness!!

My boss is leaving on a cruise for all of next week - as the angels sing!

I am off Monday- an unexpected and lovely surprise!

I am having way too much fun with different aspects of my life - seriously having way too much fun!

People, life is good - complicated, but oh so good!

One day I may have the time and decide I am ready to share everything going on in my life and in my head, but right now, all you get is that I am seriously loving life and extremely happy!

Have a great weekend!!!!!

This Really Got My Goat (Hey I think I'm funny)

I've mentioned before that I am NOT an adventurous eater, anything else I will try at least once, but "exotic" foods are not an option for me.

Yet here is an IM conversation from today:

Me: That's all I can manage to do today (yawn)!

D: Me, I am so full now. Went and had indian food. Way too much of it.

Me: Yummm, sounds delicious (in the back of my head I know I don't really
think this)

D: It was. Even had some really yummy goat.

Me: That just made me a little nauseous...we are going to have to help me
become a more adventurous eater (not really, this is not at all a true
desire of mine)

D: Oh no...goat is like a mix between lamb and beef (my stomach is really
turning now, and honestly if I was willing to eat lamb, don't you think
that I would be willing to eat goat)

Me: Hmmm....I will take your word for it. (Again, no desire to know from
experience)

D: Nope, you will definitely try it. (Brain bubble: What have I gotten myself
into?)

This is coming from the same friend that pushed me to turn off my phone and only do schoolwork so I would finally graduate. He would call me just to give me a kick in the butt to get the work done! The man loves a challenge, so looks like I will be trying goat (and God only knows what else before he's done with me!)

Quote for the Day

Today feels like a quote day, so here goes:

"The journey is the reward". Chinese Proverb

This quote best represents my life right now. I have no idea where I'm headed or my final destination (not THE final destination, but where my butt will land in the next six months kind of destination), but I am having a blast charting my course, enjoying the scenery, following the detours, and exploring new paths!

The Best Is Yet To Come

This week has been all about playing catch up with friends. I literally have something planned almost every night involving catching up with people I have not had nearly enough time with in the last few months. It's been surreal, because I kind of feel like it's the beginning of the long process of saying goodbye. But then again, maybe not. I really don't know what is going to happen in the next few months. Moving is always an option, but its not a necessity. A lot of things that seemed out of reach just a few weeks ago seem to be in my grasp now. The long, slightly arduous, but never dull process of making the choices, choosing the "life plan" (which I realize will never really go as planned)that is best for me at this point, has begun and I am embracing every second (the good, the bad and the ugly) of it.

All I can say is stay tuned, because I am pretty sure the best is yet to come!!!

Just Keeping It Interesting

Every time I go to Georgia I come home sick...I'm really beginning to wonder if it's worth it! (Just kidding!)

Actually every time I go I fall more in love with Atlanta. I love the big city, the Starbucks on every corner, the shopping, the diversity, the friendliness of the people. It is such an appealing place and I am really, really hoping to move there in the next couple months. Of course, it all depends on finding a job, getting out of my lease and grad school acceptances, but it is #1 on my list of places I want to live right now (followed by Denver, Baltimore and Pittsburgh). I love the fact that there are several organizations that I want to work with down there, and even if I can't get a job at one of them initially I can start volunteering and possibly work there in the near future. It is even more appealing since I know people in ATL and won't have to go somewhere and start completely from scratch. Plus, I have a couple choices of places to stay until I can find my own apartment.

There is only one small glitch in my glorious new life plan! I HATE CHANGE! I am a creature of habit. I thrive off of routine. I actually believe I am a little OCD. I can't stand for things in my life to be out of order, and believe me changing jobs, cities and living situations means everything will be out of order for awhile. It also means giving up a life I am pretty happy with, leaving friends I can't imagine living without and starting over in almost every aspect.

But in the end I know that there is so much I want to do with my life and it will require me having access to resources (schools, jobs, networking connections) that I simply can't get here. I have to accept that even if I stay here life will inevitably change. I know I am ready to challenge myself in new ways, but I am a little scared (more like completely petrified). But, I promised myself a couple years ago that I was going to stop talking about living life and start actually doing it. So here goes...

Step One (complete): Decision is made to move. Options narrowed down.
Step Two (in progress): Start applying for jobs. Figure out lease options.

Yaaaaawwwwwnnnnn!!!!

My weekend was filled with too much laughter and craziness to even begin to put in writing, but suffice it to say it has been an interesting beginning to the year! But, right now I must get back to work (translation: trying not to drool on my desk during my nap since I cannot function, because I am sooooo sleepy)! Well the desk is covered with work so it's not really an option, but it sounds like a lovely idea :)