Beware. You Will Be Tested.

The Bible should come with this title as a warning label. The closer you get to God, the more vocal you become about loving Him, trusting Him, seeking Him and following Him, the more you will be tested. I hate being tested, because I often fail. Most of the time, I get up, dust off my tattered pride, learn and move on. This is not always a rapid process.

Yesterday, I wss hurt by others. I was angry. Rather than leaning on the Lord, I vented my anger to an aquaintance, who ended up causing me to feel stupid, worthless and more alone. I failed the test. I should have leaned on God to "fix" the situation, and to heal my heart. Today I remember that my God is faithful, that He is present when others hurt me, and that He loves me for who I am, shortcomings and all. Today, I ask His forgiveness, and ask Him to help me truly be more like Him. This is always hard when you are still hurting from a situation, but then I am forced to recognize that growth only truly comes through the trials.

Giving Up Control

Years ago I titled this blog "Taking Back Control of my Life", during a time that I felt like I was drifting, losing sight of my dreams and finding my way back from some devastating choices and heart breaks. Today, I am more settled, searching less and more at peace. Why? Because I now know that the best way to change my life was to completely give up the control, I so desperately sought over my own life, to a loving God. Knowing that He is in control, even when my heart hurts or situations do not turn out the way I think they should, brings me peace.  It does not stop me from experiencing hurt, fear or even anger at times, but my trust in God reminds me that the experiences that cause these emotions are occurring for a purpose, and to fulfill His ultimate plan for my life. This knowledge makes me feel less like I am drifting, and more like I am staying the course, even when I feel battered and bruised by life. Today, I am so thankful that God brought me to my knees and taught me how to hand over the control of my life to Him.

My Happy Space

I have been trying to decide what I want this blog to be. Do I want it to be my personal space to vent, chronicle and review my life? Do I want to reach out to family and friends with stories of our daily lives? Do I want to develop it into a mommy blog?

In this season of dreariness, cold and feeling a little blue, I have decided this will simply be my personal "Happy Place". Each week, I will do at least one post of all the things that made me happy this week.
But for now, I must go put on some coffee, turn up the music and get ready for work.