No I in Team

I have always imagined being a superwoman style wife and mom, always put together, with a beautifully decorated home, perfectly in shape, mom that does elaborate crafts, etc. Then I look around my home with boxes everywhere in preparation of moving, still in PJs unshowered at 1:00 pm on a Saturday with a to do list a mile long, and I realize I am definitely not meeting any of those superwoman qualities I so admire.

But today, it is okay. Why? Because I know I don't have to do it all alone. I have an amazing husband and a 2-year old little helper that are on my team. I realized that my husband will still love me if I look like this when he gets home (experience has proven this to be true). I know a good portion of the boxes we have packed are thanks to my husband. Mostly, I know that in the good, bad and ugly my teammates will be by my side, lending a hand, making me laugh, believing in me and cheering me on. They don't expect superwoman, they just want me.

Old Enough For My Wants Not To Hurt Me (Much)

I want a beach vacation. This week/weekend. This will not be happening. This frustrates me and makes me sad. This sucks. Life goes on. At least I will have a few days with my two favorite guys.

Day 2: Alone

There was a time I loved to be alone. I loved quiet walks in the woods, a solitary run, taking time to read a book without interruption, journaling, going for long drives to nowhere, and just being. I am realizing that I have forgotten how to enjoy the beauty in the solitary moments in my life. Now, when I have time alone I automatically go to the internet, looking for a false sense of inclusion, to mask the loneliness.

There was a time being alone did not scare me. Now it does. It is time that it doesn't.

The First 24 Hours

I have not even been off Facebook for 24 hours and am on the verge of ending the hiatus.

The positives: I actually talked to people today. I have been more involved with Jason and Lane. I have accomplished much more than than I do on an ordinary Sunday. I focused more on each task.

The negatives: I feel isolated, lost and as if something is just not right in my world. I feel as if my social life shrunk. I don't feel like I have really had that decompress time today.

Right now, the negatives feel pretty overwhelming. That being said I will press on....

(And yes, I realize that I am probably the biggest loser ever to feel this crazy over getting rid of my Facebook).

Unimaginable

I have done the unimaginable. I have deactivated my Facebook account. I am an addict and will most definitely go through detox of some sort from this. Why have I done it? I have three big reasons...

1. I compare my life to everyone else's. My self esteem is at an all-time low, thanks to this. Instead of living in my moment in life, I am comparing it to someone else's. I have been so bitter that I haven't been able to go on vacation lately. Don't get me wrong, I will still be upset, but at least everyone's beach pics won't be steaming across my phone screen every five minutes. I also won't have to feel guilty about having a bad day, because someone else's day was worse. Comparison is an ugly thing for me, and step one to curbing this is not be on FB.

2. I am addicted, as mentioned earlier. I do not like something having this much of a hold over me. I freak if my phone can't link to FB. I get so involved in peoples lives that I haven't seen in years!!!! I find myself looking up people I barely know to get a hint of what their lives are like, you know so I can compare mine to theirs.

3. This is the most important one...it is keeping me from being present and involved in the most vital, important relationships in my life. My relationship with God, my husband and my son. I look at FB if I am having a panic attack in the middle of the night, instead of praying or reading my Bible. I miss entire conversations with Jason, because I am reading what is on FB. I have literally seen rejection in my son's eyes when I am too busy looking at my phone to play with him. I also deleted my games for this reason. I need to stop missing out on all that God has given me, before it is too late.

It is time to be all in, in MY life for awhile. So from now until August 31st, I am done. That's enough time to break a habit (3 weeks), and then I will reassess this. My ultimate goal right now, is a year, but for now I will start with 3 weeks :)