UGH!!!!!!

It has been one hellacious afternoon at work, but thankfully my friend, B, has been on IM all day to help me through it :)

Part of our conversation:

Me: I am going to leave and get some chocolate...at least if I get fired i can get unemployment. Be back in a minute!

At which point I get in my car and call her to vent! Poor thing couldn't get a word in edgewise! In the meantime bought a KING SIZE Hershey's bar and a Diet Coke. Fly back to work because I am really not trying to get fired. Enter my boss, so I hang up and get back on IM.

Me: He came in fussing at me about something else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE IS CERTIFIABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Her: OMG

Me: I needed a few more minutes alone with my chocolate to be ready to deal with him!

Her: LOL

End conversation!

Now I am repeating one of my favorite sayings over and over: "Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far, far away from here".

Phew...only 2 hours to go, lets hope I survive it!!!!

I can't remember the last time....

- I felt so giddy, happy and ecstatic about life!
- That I gave up control and just lived in the moment so completely.
- That I felt everything so intensely, including the fear (but even that seems right).
- That I wasn't completely sold on my single life plan.
- That I believed that maybe, just maybe all of my dreams could and would come true!
- That I looked so forward to the weekend.
- That I smiled this much!
- That I have been so glad for second chances.
- That I counted the minutes until I got to see someone!
- That I felt butterflies :)
- That I actually looked forward to Valentine's Day!!!!

If things don't change soon, I will be posting love poems and doodling hearts on this blog!!!! Don't worry there's no way this cynical and jaded woman could ever get to that point, right?

I Could Have Been A Pioneer

As a child I don't remember being afraid of the dark. I actually remember loving power outages, because there was no television on, music or work that could be done. My mom, dad, brother, sister and I would all congregate in the living room and talk, tell stories or play games. There was always a vague sense of disappointment when the lights finally came back on, and life had to begin again. I remember wishing then that I lived in the pioneer days where every dinner and evening were spent by lantern light together in one room of the house, of course only if it could be just like it was on Little House on the Prairie (a show I was quite obsessed with).

I had forgotten those memories until last night, when I got home and my power was out. At first I was quite frustrated because it completely messed up my plans for the night. But instead, we improvised and it was a wonderful night. Instead of cooking in, we went out. Instead of watching tv or a movie, we sat in the candlelight and talked. It was so nice having someone there to remind me that what I see as a "crisis" or at least a bothersome inconvenience can actually be another great memory to add to the album of my life.

All of this was actually so lovely that I'm thinking it may be time to institute regular power outage nights :)

Oops!

You know you are a little too comfortable in your job when your coming in from taking a break that was not really authorized and ask your boss if he knows if social services is hiring! I mean we are in the middle of a recession and I need to keep this job as long as possible (at least until I find a new one), so I'm thinking letting my boss know that I am actively looking for another job is not the smartest move to make. Apparently it was that "special kind of stupid" rearing its head again! In my defense I have been posting my resume and job searching (aka stressing about it) all day and really, really didn't think it through!!!! But you should have seen the look on his face :D

My Day In A Nutshell

The storm was a bust :( I am at work, but I must say everything is sunshine and happiness in my world, so you will be hearing no complaints from me!

Despite all that sunshine and happiness, today I am working on my Powers of Attorney, Living Will and Will which is a little unsettling, but necessary!

Tonight I will brave the icy (sort of) roads to meet MC and workout, then go home and fix some yummy goodness for J and I for dinner (because I am becoming so domesticated...haha) and curl up on the couch to watch Biggest Loser and then Casino Royale...unless I can convince him to play Yahtzee with me!

Winter Storm Warning!

I hate winter, but I have to say that I am kind of hoping for the storm they are calling for tonight to lock me in my house for a couple days! In anticipation of this, although more than likely I will jinx it by doing this, I am going grocery shopping for winter weather food (chili, popcorn and hot chocolate) and to Blockbuster for some movies! I also have a ton of books that I am dying to get to read, long phone conversations to participate in, jewelry to make, brownies to bake, journaling to catch up on and other fun pursuits that I can't ever find enough time for. What makes this even better is that I cleaned house this weekend so I can actually enjoy the time I am "stuck" in the house!

Now excuse me while I do my winter weather chant/dance!!!!!

Just had to say....

I'm not out of sorts anymore!!!!

It turned out to be a beautiful day weatherwise, I took time to read and enjoy the sunshine and fresh air at lunch. During this time I realized I do not have to rush anything or feel rushed in any aspect of my life, instead I need to just take it one day at a time and quit trying to figure it all out all the time. It really is a lot more fun that way! I love when I finally remember that!

At least my spaz out spells or whatever they are, are shorter than they used to be :)

Hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!!!!

Out of Sorts

I am "out of sorts" today...which can translate to grouchy or *itchy depending on who you ask. There is not a good reason for this, I simply am! I hate when I get like this because I like to be in control of my feelings, emotions, actions, etc. and when I am like this I am not at all in control!!!! So it is likely I will cut my phone off for awhile today at lunch and just be alone with me, because generally that is all it takes for me to regain my sense of peace and composure.

And just as a quick update: It does not look like I will be moving to Georgia right now (which could be part of the reason I am out of sorts and may need to be reevaluated), I still haven't found a new job (thankfully, I still have the old one), I got my actual diploma and can't wait to frame it, my house is a wreck and I have been too busy to clean it or care too much because I have actually been dating (stories may or may not be forthcoming - I know I am a little bit of a tease), I have been working on simplifying my life and relationships by being more open and honest and making wiser choices - (mostly), and I have actually worked out more than once this week :)

The Little Things

So often we live our lives so focused on the "big" moments, the vacations, the promotion, the wedding, the graduations, and the big moves that we miss out on what really makes up life. Life is a conglomeration of all the moments, big and small, happy and sad. After months of focusing on the "big" moment of finishing school, I've suddenly been reminded that some of the best moments in life are the "little things". It's the smile from someone I care about, the late night phone call that lasts for hours, the laughter between best friends, saying "we" instead of "I", the ability to forgive and be forgiven, the dreams fulfilled and those dropped to pursue dreams that may be even more promising, the dinners I don't have to make, simply having someone there, "just because" hugs and those given to offer solace in sadness, the ability to make someone happy and to be happy living in the present, the drives to work when I can think and dream freely, greetings, goodbyes and everything in between, the tears of joy and sorrow and so much more. It is each and every one of these moments that makes life special and worth living.

(And yes I know this is sappy!!)

Too Much Fantasticness!!

My boss is leaving on a cruise for all of next week - as the angels sing!

I am off Monday- an unexpected and lovely surprise!

I am having way too much fun with different aspects of my life - seriously having way too much fun!

People, life is good - complicated, but oh so good!

One day I may have the time and decide I am ready to share everything going on in my life and in my head, but right now, all you get is that I am seriously loving life and extremely happy!

Have a great weekend!!!!!

This Really Got My Goat (Hey I think I'm funny)

I've mentioned before that I am NOT an adventurous eater, anything else I will try at least once, but "exotic" foods are not an option for me.

Yet here is an IM conversation from today:

Me: That's all I can manage to do today (yawn)!

D: Me, I am so full now. Went and had indian food. Way too much of it.

Me: Yummm, sounds delicious (in the back of my head I know I don't really
think this)

D: It was. Even had some really yummy goat.

Me: That just made me a little nauseous...we are going to have to help me
become a more adventurous eater (not really, this is not at all a true
desire of mine)

D: Oh no...goat is like a mix between lamb and beef (my stomach is really
turning now, and honestly if I was willing to eat lamb, don't you think
that I would be willing to eat goat)

Me: Hmmm....I will take your word for it. (Again, no desire to know from
experience)

D: Nope, you will definitely try it. (Brain bubble: What have I gotten myself
into?)

This is coming from the same friend that pushed me to turn off my phone and only do schoolwork so I would finally graduate. He would call me just to give me a kick in the butt to get the work done! The man loves a challenge, so looks like I will be trying goat (and God only knows what else before he's done with me!)

Quote for the Day

Today feels like a quote day, so here goes:

"The journey is the reward". Chinese Proverb

This quote best represents my life right now. I have no idea where I'm headed or my final destination (not THE final destination, but where my butt will land in the next six months kind of destination), but I am having a blast charting my course, enjoying the scenery, following the detours, and exploring new paths!

The Best Is Yet To Come

This week has been all about playing catch up with friends. I literally have something planned almost every night involving catching up with people I have not had nearly enough time with in the last few months. It's been surreal, because I kind of feel like it's the beginning of the long process of saying goodbye. But then again, maybe not. I really don't know what is going to happen in the next few months. Moving is always an option, but its not a necessity. A lot of things that seemed out of reach just a few weeks ago seem to be in my grasp now. The long, slightly arduous, but never dull process of making the choices, choosing the "life plan" (which I realize will never really go as planned)that is best for me at this point, has begun and I am embracing every second (the good, the bad and the ugly) of it.

All I can say is stay tuned, because I am pretty sure the best is yet to come!!!

Just Keeping It Interesting

Every time I go to Georgia I come home sick...I'm really beginning to wonder if it's worth it! (Just kidding!)

Actually every time I go I fall more in love with Atlanta. I love the big city, the Starbucks on every corner, the shopping, the diversity, the friendliness of the people. It is such an appealing place and I am really, really hoping to move there in the next couple months. Of course, it all depends on finding a job, getting out of my lease and grad school acceptances, but it is #1 on my list of places I want to live right now (followed by Denver, Baltimore and Pittsburgh). I love the fact that there are several organizations that I want to work with down there, and even if I can't get a job at one of them initially I can start volunteering and possibly work there in the near future. It is even more appealing since I know people in ATL and won't have to go somewhere and start completely from scratch. Plus, I have a couple choices of places to stay until I can find my own apartment.

There is only one small glitch in my glorious new life plan! I HATE CHANGE! I am a creature of habit. I thrive off of routine. I actually believe I am a little OCD. I can't stand for things in my life to be out of order, and believe me changing jobs, cities and living situations means everything will be out of order for awhile. It also means giving up a life I am pretty happy with, leaving friends I can't imagine living without and starting over in almost every aspect.

But in the end I know that there is so much I want to do with my life and it will require me having access to resources (schools, jobs, networking connections) that I simply can't get here. I have to accept that even if I stay here life will inevitably change. I know I am ready to challenge myself in new ways, but I am a little scared (more like completely petrified). But, I promised myself a couple years ago that I was going to stop talking about living life and start actually doing it. So here goes...

Step One (complete): Decision is made to move. Options narrowed down.
Step Two (in progress): Start applying for jobs. Figure out lease options.

Yaaaaawwwwwnnnnn!!!!

My weekend was filled with too much laughter and craziness to even begin to put in writing, but suffice it to say it has been an interesting beginning to the year! But, right now I must get back to work (translation: trying not to drool on my desk during my nap since I cannot function, because I am sooooo sleepy)! Well the desk is covered with work so it's not really an option, but it sounds like a lovely idea :)