Making Peace With Being an Introvert

I have spent most of my life hating the fact that I was "shy", "quiet", seemingly "stuck-up" and on a really bad day "backwards". I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I was failing at life. I hated that I was not the life of the party, and actually, if I was really honest, I hated that I flat out hated parties. Well, to be brutally honest, I hate most social engagements/obligations. I thought having a bevy of friends was the best gauge of how good of a person I was, and since the closest friends I have are my husband and sister, I felt that I was not "good enough", since they kind of have to be my friends. I have worried and prayed about the fact that my child has shown signs of being more "shy", feeling that I have already failed him, even saying with dread that he is "just like me".

But lately, especially in the last few weeks, I have really spent time thinking about this specific aspect of my personality. I have not only come to terms with it, but am starting to embrace the fact that I am a true introvert. Not only do I prefer quiet alone time, but I crave it. My soul needs this, just like it needs routine to feel fulfilled and at peace. I am starting to understand that not thriving in a crowd does not make me a failure. Being introverted, just like being extroverted comes with challenges, but does not make me "less of a person". Neither does it make be better than extroverts. It simply is part of the unique package that makes me, me. God knew that being introverted, which is an innate part of my personality, would help me accomplish His plans for my life. It means I am usually insightful, careful with the words I speak, conscientious regarding others feelings, able to enjoy the calm/quiet/routine times in life, and able to be alone without feeling lonely. This aspect of my personality has made me great at working in the mental health field, and at caring for my family.

I do believe God wants us to stretch outside of our comfort zone, and being very introverted means most new social interactions are hard for me, but this is part of learning reliance on Him, just like an extrovert has to rely on God for peace, comfort and guidance during times when he or she is alone. But, it truly is a beautiful thing when the thing you have hated about yourself, becomes something you truly love. I no longer stress whether Lane is "too shy", but have decided to work hard to let him know that God created him just the way he is supposed to be. I will always push him to stretch outside of his comfort zone, so he can enjoy all that life has to offer, but I will not force him.

Hmmm...apparently being 40 really is about making peace with yourself :)