The Struggle is Real

Life has gotten scary lately. Mostly about finances, but there are a lot of "things" that have contributed to this, such as all of the crazy world things (have you seen our choices for President this year), my child seeming completely uninterested in learning things, the not enough time with my husband for us to feel like we can connect thing, and so on that make life seem a little terrifying, but mostly, today it is the financial thing.

I hate it, because we have been working hard on paying off debts, rebuilding credit, paying bills on time, all of the really grown-up financial things that one does when they are, you know, a grown-up. It took us longer than most to pick up on this adult way of living regarding our finances. But in the last year and a half, we have been far more adult about our finances, but yet in the last few months  have found ourselves under an increasingly significant financial strain. This time it is far less our poor spending habits, or other usual culprits, but simply not enough income versus the output. Poor medical insurance (thank you Obamacare for ruining awesome coverage we used to have through our employers), large medical costs, including an ambulance and hospital trip for the youngest amongst us, coupled with a significant, albeit unavoidable decrease in my already limited work hours for an extended period of time, have simply put a financial strain on us. Strain or intense, diamond forming pressure (potato,potatoe), either of these would fit the bill. I have gone from setting financial goals of saving a certain amount to a goal of simply having a certain amount left in savings by the end of the year. We cannot save right now, we cannot keep from pulling from savings. It feels a little like drowning, and I am simply trying to minimize the damage.

Jason and I are considering whether I should go back to work full-time. Taking out of consideration the time I would be losing with Lane, which would completely break my heart, I really do not know how we would manage without having a support system of people to help when he gets sick (which is often), or the daycare is closed.  The sad part of this is that we have lived here for a very long time, and still do not have this support system. Knowing how complicated and sad me going back to work full-time would be, it is quite possibly becoming the only option.

We are praying. I know God has this, and that lessons will be learned, faith will be built, and we will be okay. Sometimes knowing this, and having faith, does not make the struggle any easier though.