I am 40

Well to be honest I will be 40 in an hour. But, those two words attached to that particular number, have stirred up a lot of angst these past few weeks. Angst I could laugh off and ignore, until the last hours of my 30's quickly fade. I do not feel old until I say my age, because 40 is, well, old. I have been on this earth 4 decades. I truly do remember the "good old days" before everyone had a computer in their hand, heck nobody even had computers in their homes when I was a child. I remember quieter, safer times where kids left to play in the morning and came home at dinnertime, without their parents worrying about them. Where families had dinner at the table, and when arcade games were the only video games. I still remember the first Nintendo. I watched the first "Full House" on its first run. I am that kind of old.

But, I am still young as well. I still feel like the world is my oyster. That I can and will accomplish anything I choose. I still have the possibility of having another baby, a slim one, but still the hope. I still feel passion for my husband, and butterflies when we go on the rare date. I still have many years ahead to raise a young child, to see light in his eyes and to watch him discover who he is and to guide him on his journey through the short decades of his life. I am still young enough to have older people say "oh, you're still young...." I still have good health and the ability to do all that I dream. I feel young at heart, and mostly in body.

I am hopefully not yet to the middle of this crazy, amazing roller coaster of a life. A life where I have learned many valuable lessons about loving God, myself and others. I am more self-aware, self-assured and happy in this season of my life than I have ever been.  So, after a few hours of bemoaning "my descent into oblivion" (yep, these were the exact words I spoke to my husband), I am now ready to decree, with a little less angst and a little more perspective  "I am 40" (in 39 minutes, let's not rush it). And I have to add I am so very, very blessed.