I haven't written much here lately. I can use all the same excuses, such as no time, etc., but the truth is I quit blogging because I was no longer blogging for me. Instead I was blogging for an audience. I wanted people to see the bright airy side of my life. And in all actuality much of it is just that, because I am happy, free, loved and moving forward in so many areas of my life.
But here is the a slightly more accurate portrayal of some parts of my life:
Marriage: Is wonderful, except when it's not. I love my husband all the time but there are days we do not like each other. Luckily that doesn't last long for either one of us. My marriage is far from perfect, but so am I so what did I expect. What my marriage is for sure, is forever because we both choose that, not because it's always easy or even always what we want. It is also all the wonderful things I have said. I love having Jason to come home to every night. I love that neither of us is searching for that elusive "one" or "something special", because despite the good, bad or in between we have found that in eachother.
Work/Job: I am completely excited about my new job, no doubt, but I am having a hard time leaving this one. It's familiar. It's safe. It's secure in an odd way. It's been my "home away from home" for 9 years and we all know I don't like change. I've adjusted to the solitude of working alone. A new job represents uncertainty. But it's also a challenge that I am looking forward to embracing. I look forward to meeting new people, but I am scared because I am still incredibly shy. The job itself frightens me, because despite the fact I am a quick learner I am also doing things I have never done....good thing I actually do like a challenge :) And I do know that in a month it will become my new norm, which makes me feel safe and secure again.
Finances: They suck! Really no more to say, except we realize we have been spending ridiculous amounts of money on frivolous things and we are trying to budget.
Life in general: Most of the time I feel like a failure, except when I don't. In my opinion I am an awful housekeeper, wife, friend, sister, daughter, stepmother, potential mother, employee, child of God, etc., but then one day I realize I'm not doing so bad. We all feel the same way at times. And as long as I don't feel I am doing everything "right" it means I have something to strive for. I also have done much better at prioritizing, except when I don't... You see I'm realizing life is every little piece put together, the good, the bad and everything in between. Alone, each tiny portion amounts to nothing, but put together the portrait of my life, although less than perfect is beautiful.
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