Me Being Frustrated At Me!

So if you have read my blog or know me at all, you know I have NEVER been good at balance. Neither am I a very motivated individual, and I am the biggest procrastinator. This is all a huge problem, because what happens is that after awhile of me being lazy and putting off everything that needs to be done, I open my eyes and realize that my world is virtually falling down around me (this happens about 4 times a year, and is not a new occurrence - same old story, just different excuses).

This is where I am at today. I love so much about my life right now and feel so blessed with amazing friends and family, but at the same time I feel like I am failing at everything in my life. Of course this isn't entirely true, because things are great with J and I, but most everything else seems to be falling apart (and this is the problem...not that we're doing good, because I love him a lot and am so blessed to have him, but generally I can only seem to manage to focus on one part of my life at a time, which is crazy).

My house is a wreck, I am gaining a ton of weight and never seem to eat healthy or exercise anymore, I have been a horrible friend, sister and daughter over the past few months (simply by being so wrapped up in my life), I haven't done anything (except that one application) on the job front, my finances are in a shambles, my taxes are not done despite the looming deadline, I have not studied for the GRE at all despite having the book, I haven't kept up with anything really, and despite my daily, weekly, monthly and lifetime goal "to do lists" (meaning I have written goals and plans)I have done nothing to actually accomplish anything.

Basically I feel like I am drowning (of course that could be because it never stops raining here lately) and I don't know where to begin to fix any of it. But I also do know that now that I've "opened my eyes" I will hopefully start fixing it all. The hard part is when you've hurt people (like my family) by being absent and wrapped up in myself it's a little harder to fix. But the good thing about that too is that family almost always loves you unconditionally so they will eventually forgive me :)

Hopefully today will be the day I start fixing these "problems" so that I can go back to being the happy and productive person I normally am (ok, truthfully I am rarely a productive member of society, but I am generally happy).

Ugh...I think I kind of miss the structure of a school schedule, deadlines, etc., because that kept me a little more focused. But mostly I just need to learn to make time and balance out all the areas of my life, which in itself will take time to learn I'm sure.

P.S.: As I'm writing this my friend, B., is already preplanning a dinner before her son's play for anyone coming to the play which is not until May 14th...now I really feel like a slacker!!!