I've been an "absentee" blogger this week. Truthfully there's not a good reason, I just simply haven't known what to write. For the past few years November and December have not been good for me, and unfortunately memories and the sadness they bring seem to make me more down this time of year, and this normally continues until March. I joke and call it my winter depression, but it kind of is. It gets bad enough that people close to me, like my sister, have recognized it and come to expect it. I get to where I don't want to go places, talk to or see people, do anything but the absolute essentials of going to work, school and home to bed.
I fear this.
I am fighting it.
I am trying to focus on the positive. I am going to force myself to keep up my workouts and time with friends. I am going to try to convince some friends to take a trip somewhere tropical, or at least warmer in January. And I know that as the years pass and I get further removed from the pain I get stronger. It doesn't hurt quite as bad and the moments that I feel like curling up in a ball and crying are fewer and farther apart.
And I know now that...
I am not only a survivor
I am a warrior
And the biggest blessing of all is that I have some of the most amazing and wonderful people in my life that I'm pretty sure won't let me do the whole curling up in a ball thing when I get weak. I know this year will be much brighter and the darkness less scary then it has been the past few years. I also know that I am a stronger person than I was even a year ago and I am going to rely on the deep sources of inner strength that I now possess to maintain my joy and contentment in life!
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