Reflections

All day memories have flashed through my mind of the past. It's odd, because as the years pass the memories fade and it's hard for me to believe that it was ever real. I tell myself I must have dreamed of him, although I have no conscious recollection of doing so. I tell myself that every once in awhile a memory is bound to come to mind, and it means nothing. Maybe it's because some of my best memories are of us in the fall, and fall was his favorite season. Or maybe it's because, even after all these years, this may be my biggest regret in life. He said it was over and I simply walked away. I let go. I said good-bye and just gave up. I didn’t stay. I didn’t fight. I simply quit. Our dreams were destroyed. Shared hope vanished. I drifted and was lost for a very long time. I grew hard, bitter, cynical and afraid. I’m working on not being that way anymore. I’m finding happiness and making peace with the paths I have chosen. I rarely wish for what could have and should have been, because it is an aspect of life I cannot control or change. But just for today I wonder what if I had simply stayed, simply fought, and even more importantly, what if I had won?