Good Person, Bad Attitude

I am generally a good person, or at least I used to think I was. But today, I realized I have become a spoiled brat. The kind of person I talk bad about and never thought I was. I have a bad attitude. Somewhere in the last couple years I began to think the world owed me something. I suddenly stopped taking the blame for my own messes and began to blame my job, my boss, my parents, pretty much anybody, but me. I expected others to help me, because I am doing it on my own, but truthfully thanks to a very dear friend I have not been doing it on my own and have become far too reliant on the help of others. The crazy thing is, I never realized it until today. And I hate this about myself. I have to change, because there is no way I can love myself and still be this way. I need to stop complaining and start taking the blame on myself. I need to recognize my shortcomings and change them.

I need to realize these facts: I don't get raises because I don't work hard enough to deserve them. I do enough to get by, but no more. I don't have any money and am in debt, because I am not willing to get off my lazy butt and get a second job, or get out of my comfort zone and get a roommate. I haven't graduated yet, because I chose not to work hard enough to complete the classes. I don't have a healthy relationship because I chose to waste time in relationships that were going nowhere and am too afraid to step out of my comfort zone to find one. I haven't travelled where I've wanted to because I have chosen not to make the time and money to make it happen. I am overweight and unhealthy because of my own poor choices and lack of motivation.

There are things that are most often out of our realm of control, such as illnesses, losing someone we love along with the grieving process that follows, and car accidents. But in reality no one is to blame for my failures, but me. And no one can fix my life, but me. Basically it boils down to the fact that I am a good person with amazing dreams and the ability to achieve them, but I have a bad attitude, and this is completely in my control to fix! I need to start standing on my own two feet, take the blame for my own actions and stop blaming everyone and everything else, get over being jealous of the people in my life who have more and be happy with who I am.

And I know that: It is in my control to fix my finances, and get out of debt, despite the fact that it will take a lot of time and effort. I will graduate this fall, despite the fact I can't turn back time and fix my grades or graduate sooner, I can and will finish and get good grades this semester no matter what it takes. And I will even do whatever it takes to get into grad school and get my masters degree. I will (after getting financially stable) start planning my trips and making those dreams come true. I will lose weight, run races, and get healthy by exercising and consuming less calories (which I am already working on). All in all, I know that as I stop blaming outside circumstances, I will start taking back the control of my life and making things happen in my life. The most amazing thing about that is that as I accomplish more of my dreams I will start believing in myself once again and be the person I want to be (with a much better attitude)!